Saving Yourself for Marriage: It’s Not Just for the Ladies…

I advocate for waiting until marriage to have sex and practicing abstinence as it is about the only 100% effective birth control ๐Ÿ˜‰ The dangers of promiscuity are rife, and include STD’s unwanted pregnancies and not to mention, a damaged reputation! Sleeping around has real and lasting consequences. It’s not just theoretical fluff made to scare you in middle school health class! From seedy people, to getting into a mess of who gave whom that nasty rash, to “who’s its daddy?”, the dangers of promiscuous sex are rife! It makes sense that sex has been linked to morality throughout history, as the consequences are steep if not done carefully and with great consideration of who you choose and when you choose to. However, a large criticism of the topic of the heavy risks of promiscuity is that it’s mainly, unfairly that is, geared towards women but not men. The feminists say that men get a free pass often times, and can be “players” and use promiscuity as a status symbol, while women are expected to reign in her sexuality and not be promiscuous like men can. While there is truth in this allegation, I argued before that womenย shouldย be more guarded and cautious about their sexual appetite as women do in fact, have a lot more to lose such as an unwanted pregnancy! Never the less, my main point now is, it’s not just the ladies who need to be careful and avoid promiscuity!

Yes, men face less risks that women do in regards to unbridled sex. Less stigma, danger of meeting the wrong people who could hurt them, and no unwanted pregnancy! However guys, the coin has two sides ๐Ÿ˜‰ You can get a girl pregnant and have to pay child support for the next 18 years! She can say you’re the dad and smear your reputation along with hers. You may avoid being raped forcibly or beaten up by a bad guy, but beware the wrath of an angry father who thinks you corrupted “his little girl”! STD’s don’t discriminate between sexes at all. She has it, you got it! Being a “player” may sound cool to your buddies, but no respectable girl worthy of a stable marriage and family life will want to marry a guy who plays around! To get a lady, you must be a gentleman. Players attract cheap girls who will do it with anyone, not suitable wives and mothers of your future children! The “fun gal” wears off by the next morning. Better to wait for your forever wife ๐Ÿ™‚

If none of this persuades you, consider the immense legal risks of playing the field with every girl you see! Let’s say you’re in college… You go to a party, want to have a little fun tonight, meet some hot girls. Ooh! That girl across the room is a 10! Your buddies encourage you to make a move. She likes you, and pretty soon, we all know where this is going next… Fast forward to the next morning. She’s gone. You get an angry text from your parents. What’s going on? Turns out her parents contacted yours and threatened to press charges in court for statutory rape! What??? But how? She basically jumped on me! Turns out she wasn’t 18 yet. She was the 16 year old sister on the college tour staying for the weekend with her older sister in college. But, she looks like she’s 20! She didn’t act like she was only 16 years old… She sounded like a fellow college girl! But here you are, facing potential charges in court for statutory rape because her daddy thinks you corrupted his “sweet 16” naive, innocent little angel!

Yes guys, this scenario plays out all the time! You could be the guy who would never dream of taking advantage of an underage girl, but easily mistake a well developed and mature sounding 16 year old for an 18 year old! I mean, honestly, let’s all take off our PC hats and say it out right: 16 and 18 are NOT that different! Two years. That’s all it can be between consensual sex and a criminal act with the law set at that arbitrary number. Even 17 a few months shy of 18 is still considered a minor, incapable of consent! And yes, girls do lie…. Take this example! Is this fair? Not really when you think of it. Are honest, moral guys just looking for a good time with an appropriately aged consenting partner supposed to demand ID now? How can you ever be 100% sure that young lady is of age or that other girl isn’t! Looks CAN be deceiving. I personally looked younger than my real age, so a guy could have passed me up at 18 but taken the other 16 year old who looked like she was 20! (Thankfully, I was raised to be wiser than to ever be in such a scenario!)

The only 100% “safe” solution is to A: Never choose young looking women as sex partners and only stick to those over 30… (Yes, many older teenagers, 16,17, even 15 in some cases look like they’re in their 20’s) or B: Don’t be a player and want to score every girl you don’t even know and only choose a well known intimate partner who has no secrets from you, a.k.a. a girlfriend or preferably wife! If you play around, it can be like Russian roulette, not only for unwanted pregnancies you have to pay for, angry fathers, STD’s, and decent women not wanting to come within a mile of you, but you could end up in jail, and on a sex offender registry. Trust me. That will ruin your life. Period! NO ONE wants to live near or hire an alleged “sex offender”! Oh, and last point on this topic, even with a steady girlfriend it can be statutory rape!ย  It happened to a 19 year old who dated a girl only 2 or 3 years younger! Wait until you meet a girl, get to know her and tie the knot!

And another major point and for men of every age! #MeToo hysteria. If you sleep around, it may haunt you even decades later if the girl wants to get back at you for something, be famous, get money or some other gain. Just look at Kavanaugh! He probably didn’t even have sex, but that didn’t stop Christine Ford from smearing him for a month or more! One word from any woman, one who regretted the foolish drunken sex you both had, wants to get out of her daddy being mad at her for getting pregnant even though she freely consented even if you’re both minors, wants to spite you on the job, anything really. Good, decent, honest boys and men who would never even think to take a woman against her will, never say lewd things, never touch her inappropriately, can be smeared in the blink of an eye! Being a private act, it’s just your word vs. hers, and in this society, hers often wins. I hate to say it, but in this society, you are a predator, and she is the victim. Doesn’t matter if you never touched her. Even were in 100 feet of her. In a society now where a little 5 year old is labeled a predator for hugging a teacher, it’s easy to see how every man is seen as a rape waiting to happen by the #MeToo crowd!

While even men who never had sex with a lot of women or were promiscuous are being smeared, not having sex with women you don’t know well even an acquaintance, lessens your risk of being framed and accused. Mike Pence, though being smeared now as misogynist for staying away from being alone with women, has an excellent point. By never putting himself in a position were a woman can say anything unsubstantiated, he drastically lessened his risk for false allegations! Being more guarded around women, and not putting yourself in potentially risky situations such as alone, behind closed doors, and of course, being intimate with women you aren’t intimately close to such as a long term steady girlfriend or wife, is not just about arbitrary morality and prudishness. It can save your butt from being thrown in the slammer ๐Ÿ˜‰ A sad world I know, but this is the reality for men in the era of radical feminism, #MeToo hysteria… Nothing is ever innocent to the left!

Gentlemen: Please wait for just that perfect girl. Wait to be with your wife. Wait to be with the woman you can fully trust, be vulnerable around and still feel safe in that there isn’t a risk of her smearing you later, the woman with whom you shared all your secrets, the woman who is faithful to you alone, the woman who will spend the rest of her life with you, the one woman you want to call “wife”. Girlfriends can come and go, but a woman who honors her vows in marriage to you, and entrusts her body to you in the form of deepest intimacy is about the only truly “safe” woman to be intimate with. Don’t settle for skanks, and “good time gals”. Don’t choose instant gratification and a mountain of risks and liabilities over a lifetime of intimacy with just the perfect girl for you. True love, (and satisfaction ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) waits!

And on a last, but certainly not insignificant note, is think about the girl. Think about the girl who should save herself too for just the right guy. You dally with her, and she too is deprived of giving her future husband one of her greatest gifts. You helped turn her milestone as a woman into a cheap handshake. Be the bigger man. The foolish, naive young girl who thinks a fling would be fun needs guidance, not instant gratification for her curiosity! A real man tells her “no” and that she’s worth more than to give herself away to any guy who asks! Treat her like how you would want your daughter to be treated by a gentleman! A real man waits for a woman ready to give herself to him for life, and honors and protects the integrity of young ladies who have yet to find their one and only ๐Ÿ™‚

Image result for wedding night  painting

47 thoughts on “Saving Yourself for Marriage: It’s Not Just for the Ladies…

  1. Very well said *A Lady of Reason*!

    Youโ€™re absolutely right about the great need for men to โ€œsave themselves sexuallyโ€ for the purpose of marrying a wife.

    Women have it hard by the โ€œsocietal pressuresโ€ and โ€œBro cultureโ€ in the college scene โ€œto put outโ€ I actually do sympathize with them who are overwhelmed by the social peer pressures.

    As much as I can in my regular daily life I try to โ€œlook outโ€ for young women and girls who might be โ€œeasy preyโ€ to โ€œpredatory guysโ€ out there only wanting to use them for the โ€œone thingโ€.

    Men need to keep themselves and other men responsible and accountable for their actions in โ€œmanipulatingโ€ naรฏve women for sex.

    Thanks for this very needful article for us โ€œguysโ€ to hear.

    ~ Bro. Jed

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  2. โ€œwhoโ€™s its daddy?โ€
    My father taught me that humans are sexually dimorphic, and referring to a baby as “it” dehumanizes the child. Being strongly pro-life he felt it was important that the traditions of humanizing the baby be followed. He taught me that when the sex of the baby is unknown, it was rude not to give the family and the baby the benefit of the doubt. Thus it should be assumed that they will be blessed with a son. A preterm child of unknown sex was always politely referred to as he or him, never it.

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  3. Marriage is a religious dogma that suits the state and the pious (code word for facade). Saving yourself for marriage is fine if thatโ€™s your religious preference, but I wouldnโ€™t be too quick to think your line on this is morally superior when others find complete fulfillment without your sectarian stance.

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    • Jim, I would say that Traditional Marriage (that is the concept born in Antiquity) is many forms of dogma/control of various sociopolitical means and ends. Birth control has always been a very high priority of the nobility ruling classes throughout all of human history. Thank the stars and the galaxies full of Valentinos and Venuses/Aphrodite that science, psychology, and increased human rights — especially for women, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰ — have close to dispelled (if not slammed shut) most of those antiquated relational confinements for ruling powers and given true freedom of expression to everyone. What a novel, democratic concept, huh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

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    • Marriage while yes, traditionally religious, can also be a secular institution and a legal status. I think marriage reflects values such as more lifelong devotion and commitment that dating for life doesn’t convey on a societal level. I wrote more detailed on this in a post called “Marriage still Matters”. Of course I realize the devotion to another in your heart far outweighs a government paper, sacrament or legal status, but my nuance is that marriage is a symbol and reflection of values a committed relationship should have in a society all too willing to break thier vows and treat marriage like dating 2.0 or view it with contempt and think marriage is imprisoning instead of the ultimate relationship goal… On the individual level it may not matter in terms of commitment and love, but on the societal level it stands for those values in a society of broken homes and relationships.

      I’ll also note, your marriage is as confining and oppressive as your choice to marry a controlling jerk! Marry someone with your values and honors your autonomy and you might actually enjoy committing to sharing your life with them… Plus, who doesn’t like a party, vacation, and presents when it’s not your b day or a holiday ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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      • The problem is it is difficult to know anyone, or who they really are, and we are impulsive creatures that fall easily for anything. Conservatism has a way of removing all the joy in life and then convincing you youโ€™re happy and free. I think itโ€™s ok to enjoy life responsibly. Education is the key while Abstinence is a proven failure among sexual creatures. Enjoy the enormities of youth, then blog about abstinence later.


      • Jim, I realize YOU’RE married ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ If you really couldn’t care either way why did you choose to marry your wife vs. a commitment but not legally married? Also, if someone were to refuse to acknowledge her as your wife and constantly referred to her as your “partner” in a pointed way, would you not mind? For me at least I’d see it as the person insulting our relationship and devaluing it…. I’m sure same sex couples run into this. To many of them, marriage means the world for their sense of being accepted. I’m not one to cry privilege like the Left, but could it be heteronormative privilege to be able to devalue the idea of marriage? ๐Ÿ˜‰


      • We married because we didnโ€™t know any better at the time. Itโ€™s what people did. I already have people refer to her as the maid already. Partner would be an upgrade.

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      • That’s horrible! You ought to correct them for her sake too!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ But see? My point is, your marriage does mean something to to you if you wish her to be called your wife and given that dignity.

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      • Partner is fine. Status isnโ€™t that important to us. We deal with dumb frequently and are pretty good at it. This reminds me a bit of a done prior comments you made about opportunities. The playing field is not equal when the first instinct is to be seen as a servant, instead of who you really are. It carries a huge toll in advancing professionally. But, if you seek status, you can certainly get it by puritan facade


  4. Well my friend, my companion of secularism, ๐Ÿ˜‰ โค …I am obliged to say that I am a former traditional Conservative, secularist/agnostic, that was raised, taught, believed, and LIVED that very straight line, every bit of what you are proposing here for men and women. Yet I found throughout my late 20's thru 40's (on 4 of the world's 6 inhabitable continents) that not only do both extremes NOT work — i.e. total abstinence vs. reckless mindless promiscuity.

    With regard to raw, “loving,” proactively engaging, dignifying honesty (for both partners!) and necessary respect BOTH extreme sides are in some/many ways actors & actresses on a societal, theatrical stage play of excessive, suffocating control of human nature; human nature than CAN actually be both refined and primal without being hypocritical. ๐Ÿ™‚

    But I don’t wish to write a dissertation here in your comments. ๐Ÿ˜„ This subject is much, MUCH more complex than tackling only one of the two extreme sides of intimacy and/or sexual dysfunction; the destructive or the repressed. It all involves very personal dynamics, imperfect backgrounds, fears, ignorance, willingness to shame others than patiently (and humbly) listening acutely, asking open-ended (more neutral?) questions about your partner’s or potential partner’s desires/wants WHILE being equally raw and unabashed about one’s own desires/wants, then civilly negotiating it all. I find these components are lacking or severely lacking in a kaleidoscope of relationships, all across the spectrum from far left to far right.

    Nevertheless, I can leave a few links to blog posts I’ve done over the last 9-years about this very subject if you like. I also have a Private blog where I boldly dive into human nature, both its primal side as well as the respectful refined side. BOTH, or all of it can be had if the individual and couple(s), or groups in Alt-lifestyles like myself are not afraid of getting their hands dirty, elbows skinned up and knees bruised up (sorry, no pun intended ๐Ÿ˜› ) while also experiencing euphoria and successes not just for one, but many! I will, however, leave with this; a favorite apropos quote of mine from a brilliant mind and school Master:

    The prude is in fact the libertine, without the courage to face their naked soul.
    โ€”- A. S. Neill

    Thank you LoR. I’m going to continue perusing here, see what trouble I can find. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜˜

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    • I think a key in healthy sex is trust which is not enough if it’s just some hookup… Beyond individual moral opinions, the simple fact is if you don’t know much about your sex partner you don’t know how truthful they are about their past and what liabilities (history of violence, crazy jealous ex’s, etc…) they bring, including health ones and legal ones ๐Ÿ˜‰ Bring able to trust and know someone enough to marry them gives you more of a chance they’re a stable person….


      • Agreed. And that applies equally to everyone, no matter socially imposed labels or familial or self-proclaimed labels. And you hit the nail on the head about “trust.” I have always lived by (and still do) that words are nice, for that moment, sure. But it is the long, LONG road of actions, behavior that mimic those prementioned “words.” And then, after 1-3 years of living together, perhaps an adequate foundation of trust has been built. Then the next phase can begin, marriage, what type of marriage, kids, no kids, etc, etc.

        But none of that can actually happen — that is a foundation of trust, rather than half-truths, half-lies, omissions, too much privacy, etc. — unless both individuals are more than happy to allow free inspections, checking under the hood, test drives, etc, over those many years! Again, commitments, legal or otherwise, are words in the moment. It’s each other’s track-records of earned (or suspicious) trust that reflects reality more accurately. At least, that’s my proposition and learned experience after many wonderful, teaching failures… which just became better and better failures! Hahahaha! ๐Ÿ˜›

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      • I’d say get to know a person BEFORE giving them one of your most intimate and also vulnerable parts of yourself to them… ๐Ÿ˜‰ What if your “test drive” ends up in a wreck because of a lack of commitment and accountability?

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      • Then your realistic truthful answer has been given! Couldn’t be more blatant and profound! LOL Ya know, rejection or giving rejection is not as dramatic or life-ending as some people make it out to be. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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      • But after you have given one of your most vulnerable sides to them? I’d personally rather break it off before having given some guy what I find to be one of my most intimate milestones and save that for my one and only… It cheapens it if he knows you did it several times before the “big night” with him as your new husband ๐Ÿ˜‰ Or even if it was with him while dating, despite being a better scenario, it takes away the specialness of the official wedding night milestone in the relationship.


      • I think there are a number of ways to view and examine this comment and posture LoR. My elaboration will require carefully chosen words, syntax structure, and meaning which also means NOT a hastily typed response. I must take care of some errands and tasks first, before I dive deeper into this dialogue with you. So please excuse me for a bit and I PROMISE I will return with my carefully worded reply and further propositions. Please my Lady? ๐Ÿ˜˜

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      • And one’s intimate vulnerable parts are only recklessly exposed (to be taken advantage of) IF the giver allows it. That’s where acute discernment and experienced intuition and communication skills comes into play BIG TIME! ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • That intimacy is a form of vulnerability as it’s like telling someone one of your most personal secrets or information you wouldn’t share unless you deeply trust that person. Not just about exposing your physical body. Not to mention, for a woman, it’s an intense moment of vulnerability to expose herself to a man and let him have the physical advantage… And for both partners, there’s no more hiding one’s “imperfections” ๐Ÿ˜


      • A sort of Disclaimer first! Hahaha!

        I want to be very aware, considerate, and careful of as a male, a heterosexual white male, how I discuss this sensitive, controversial, and yet much needed mature discussion and sweeping exploration of a very heated (volatile?) subject. That said LoR, I would request your graceful patience with me if I mistakenly or naively state something, a condition, ANYTHING that might insinuate offense. I truly am NOT here to insult you personally! Not at all! What I hope to convey and challenge is our evolving social and political stigmas about sex, its expression, about social constructs of men and/or women, and how they should behave and not behave. That’s my intention. I hope it comes across that way. LOL ๐Ÿ˜› Also, we both have each other’s personal email addresses so if necessary, we can carry the touchy(?) subject and conversation privately.

        I mention that because I wan’t to respect your personal space (private included), your blog and blog followers, and the deserved value of human sex/erotica that is certainly ONE vital component out of several/many other components that makeup TRUE Soul Mate/Twin Flame chemistry and connection. The whole (person and relationship) is/are only as valuable, endurable, and complete(?) as its cumulative healthy, thriving parts. What’s trickier still is that those “parts,” the components of a SM/TF relationship are fluid! Always ebbing and flowing, even changing completely over a lifetime of phases! HAH! As if there wasn’t already enough to contend with, right!? LOL ๐Ÿ˜‰ Okay, here we go…

        But after you have given one of your most vulnerable sides to them?

        I don’t define my physical private-parts as anymore vulnerable than my many other characteristics or parts. I am not as heavily invested in just one physical attribute of me and its expression through/from the rest of me… in those few moments. Does that mean I am a very reserved (scared?) sexual being? No, not at all. My whole personality and my long history of 100% commitment to doing/performing my best (perfectionist?) will not allow me to be mediocre in most anything in life I chose to explore, learn, and fully understand while experiencing it all — in my rookie mistakes/flops AND my eventual attainment of Connaisseur de l’amour et du sexe, or in English: Connoisseur of love and sex. I simply want to do well, or exceptionally well in everything I am honored to be a part of in this short life. Laugh at my flops and ROAR at my Magna Cum Laude victories… just short of gloating! Hehehe No, I’m kidding.

        Now here is where things get trickier. With the average lifespan of 76.4 years for a man and 81.2 for women in the USA, how best do we become Connoisseurs of Love and Sex BEFORE our minds & bodies can barely function for self-sufficiency? Furthermore, (and bear with me here) out of now 7.6+ billion human beings on Earth (and rising fast!), on 6 different continents within an endless number of cultures and subcultures down to one family on any of these 6 continents… with just as many “gifts” and challenges to offer a possible/probable fiance, HOW CAN ONLY ONE PERSON give you most everything you could ever need or want, NOW and in your unknown futures!? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I find that sort of explicit or implied pressure, expectation is well… unreasonable given how delightfully and miserably imperfect we humans are. LOL And do those imperfections surface primarily out of ignorance/naivety (or a lack of social/interrelational experience, tools & skills) accumulated in metaphorical, massive warehouses, or simply one tiny wind-up music box? I know many people and couples whose tools and skills to manage human emotions, intellect, sexuality, and the expression (or lack of) come from tiny music boxes, not warehouses.

        I am in no way a proponent or advocate of reckless, mindless, free-for-all sexual expression and engagement. (Que the crazy song by Ted Nugent, the epitome of misogyny. Not!) No, what I am proposing though is not a pendulum swing to the opposite far-side. All of life, every single day, night, and week has endless (random and not so random) risks that can hurt, maim, or kill. And that’s not just in a physical/sexual sense!

        If I may briefly use an analogy of myself and my life’s career in soccer/futebol, I reached some pretty awesome, rewarding heights in American and World soccer, including on the two continents that dominate elite, world-class soccer: Europe and S. America. Now my entire career from beginning to end was from 1973 (in Dallas, TX) to 2001 that included the pinnacle in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. Could I have ever achieved those accolades willingly sitting, putting myself on the bench? Could I have EVER reached that high peak if I had simply stayed rooted in 1973 – 1981 Texas? Hahahaha, those are rhetorical questions by the way. No, I had to get in the game and go thru all sorts of trials, mistakes, and failures before getting to the top of MY own realistic sport. LoR, I had to make my vulnerabilities come out, shine through the entire journey, on the training pitch, on the field in live games in front of 1,000 screaming fans to 80,000 screaming fans and sports reporters all of which ask every single mid-season break or season break: What have you done for me/us lately? Twice a year MINIMUM. But that was the only way I was going to be as good (perfect, a Connoisseur) at my game.

        I see little differences if a person wants to truly be the BEST they can be and for their partner/spouse(s) and not just by my own standards or my partner’s/spouses’ standards. Those two TINY perspectives are unimaginably narrow and subjective; not a terribly accurate gauge. That’s not an insult in the least, it’s just that putting all of one’s golden eggs into one basket or only two baskets is not the best litmus test. ๐Ÿ™‚

        And one final note here since I’ve written a near dissertation already (LOL – sorry LoR ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), when I lost my virginity at 17-years old, I thought I had found my Soul Mate, my true love and future wife. About 7-months later she was done, tired of me. No matter how high I regarded my intellectual, emotional, and fantastic sexual STUFF, it was not all it was hyped up to be, at least not how I hyped it all up! LOL ๐Ÿ˜›

        I went through some 8 ‘significant’ relationships after that for about 10-11 years. It wasn’t until my 2nd marriage five years later that my then wife had the raw courage to tell me the TRUTH about certain personal (vulnerable) characteristics I brought to intimate, intense, committed relationships. And she actually repeated what several previous girlfriends and my 1st wife stated in similar ways. My 2nd wife (now ex-wife) said (and I’m paraphrasing), “[Professor], it has nothing to do with your sexual connection, passion, and talents, much less your physical GIFT(s). Believe me, you are not average. You are way above average!” Now I am seriously NOT trying to boast or gloat about that very honest assessment she gave me. What I AM trying to point out was this…

        I had put WAY TOO MUCH STOCK into my sexual prowess and genitalia while badly denying the other MANY components of a SM/TF connection and chemistry that is the WHOLE, not one or two parts of it.

        Finally, in my mid- and late 40’s and early 50’s had I FINALLY perfected (as is currently possible) ALL aspects of that elusive El Dorado dream/fantasy of SM/TF connection-chemistry. And I most CERTAINLY did not get there by just one single partner in my life! In hindsight, I don’t regret ANY of the hard (and euphoric) lessons I learned the entire journey, from all of those wonderful women that each had a special part/reason in my life. Our imperfections never go away and you can’t even find some of them unless several, caring, scrutinizing eyes and ears uncover them. Most of us have highly biased regard and esteem for ourselves. But if they are never tested and tempered by more than 1 person), then the risk of false realities, delusions and denial can increase or never be corrected and based in reality. Well, that’s my own propositions. It’s up to the world and your readers to decide to accept, consider, or reject them. ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

        Alright, this big mouthed know-it-all is shutting up. Thank you LoR.

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      • LoR, I just thought of another applicable function to relational engagements, love, romance, erotica, sexual expression, and the timing, wise, responsible FREE expression of it — between consenting adults, not social, legal constructs, religious fanatics, or government — that everyone to various degrees have caricatures of the DRD4 genome and the DRD4-7R variant, and possibly hundreds of other variants. These genomes are also impacting and are influenced by other genomes, particularly libido and neurological-hormonal manifestations relating to sexual thoughts and behaviors. The January 2013 National Geographic magazine had a wonderful breakdown into layman terms and analogy that recalls an apt Dandelion vs. Orchid simile and hypothesis. I posted about it in my May 2013 post entitled “DRD4-7R.

        The fascinating genetic science and behavioral psychology involved is that those humans with the 7R variant are almost always the ones who are willing to explore the unknown, thrive in the thrill of it and yes, get adrenaline and dopamine “highs”… feeling and rationalizing it as ‘living a life very well lived.’ Others who do not have the 7R variant are much more likely to be just fine with predictable routine and less challenges/conflict and stressing situations. Perhaps they describe it subjectively as ‘a life of no drama.’

        Are either lifestyles or genomes right or wrong? Both offer pros and cons for anyone and everyone.

        As a mostly DRD4-7R genome recipient that I likely received from my Mom and my paternal grandmother and her Franco-German family, I truly thrive in those intense or extraordinary circumstances. I would have to admit gladly that I might be a DRD4-7R junkie. Hahahaha! However, it is that very genetic & behavioral part of me that has allowed me to go deep into people’s dark, horrible, mental-emotional traumas and help them find some hope and balance! As you know LoR, I have a years in the Psych/A&D rehab and crisis field — have even had two psychotic men with weapons in hand (one had his Gloch pistol to my head) and I was fortunately able to deescalate their severe crisis or psychotic episode. I doubt seriously had I not had the DRD4-7R genome and accompanying family heritage, I probably wouldn’t be here today and/or horrible things might have transpired endangering many others. My point is… that everyone has a niche that they just seem born/destined to be and do, and be exceptional at it. Does that make sense? ๐Ÿ™‚

        Anyway, I didn’t want to come across here as if there is only ONE (Monistic) blue-print that everybody has to abide by and follow, hypocritically or fanatically. But true to self despite naysayers.

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  5. Greatest! Especially this, “You helped turn her milestone as a woman into a cheap handshake. Be the bigger man. The foolish, naive young girl who thinks a fling would be fun needs guidance, not instant gratification for her curiosity!”

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  6. I enjoyed reading about this topic. Valentine’s day is perfect for the discussion of the forgotten topic. Most folks are so busy trying so hard to give away what makes us one. They never appreciate the gift of oneness that comes from a Romantic holiday.๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• Thank You๐Ÿ˜‡

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  7. Excellent post.

    As I was reading it, I found myself remembering some articles I’d read a few years back. Men, it turned out, where having new difficulties forming relationships with women. Why? Because the women just wanted to have sex without a relationship, and they were hungry for relationship, not just sex.

    Now, I think the pendulum has swung even further. There were some valid reasons behind the movement to “liberate” sex, but it seems to have gotten to the point where people are expected to have sex as casually as changing their socks.

    Another area of sexual intimacy that medical science has shown, but is ignored or outright denied (oh, the attacks I’ve had for pointing it out!), is our biological response beyond things like orgasms. Sexual intimacy releases all sorts of “feel good” hormones – the same ones that are released during a dug induced high. What it basically results in is, we can become “addicted” to the person we are having sex with. The more we have sex with the same person, the stronger that biologically induced bond with that person. The physiological response strengthens the emotional relationship, much the same way that breastfeeding or skin to skin contact releases oxytocin in both mother and child, helping to create an emotional bond between them. However, if we have sex with many partners, we become “addicted” to many people. However, it never becomes the strong bond that forms with only one partner. Instead, it causes a sort of biological confusion. That can result in people having sex with even more people, trying to get that “high”, but never being satisfied. The biological response to sex actually strengthens a monogamous relationship, but creates problems with having multiple partners.

    Liked by 1 person

      • It is a dangerous time to be male right now. Of course, if you point that out, you’ll get attacked for it, too. I saw a lot of that during the Kavanaugh witch hunt. Apparently, the fact that women have been attacked by men means that men – even innocent ones – should be treated as if guilty of the crimes of other men. To the point that even accusations that are proven to be false should still be treated as if true, because even innocent men should be punished for what other men have done – and they should never, ever even protest or defend themselves because of this. It blew my mind when I saw people actually making that argument.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yup. I was seeing it in real like, during the Kavanaugh fiasco. When I pointed out how this went completely in the face of “innocent until proven guilty”, and how sexist it was, I was attacked and, eventually, unfriended by several people.

        My Facebook newsfeed is a lot quieter and more pleasant now.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. What a sad state of affairs if equality means wearing promiscuity as some sort of banner! I appreciate your values, ethics, and morals from a secular perspective because outside of religious affiliations; purity is often scoffed. Besides, it’s not like people in the faith are so pure either, so much more is expected from women than men in that respect.

    Liked by 2 people

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