“Who’s Your Daddy?”: The War on Fatherhood

I have mentioned before in A Lady of Reason about the disintegration of the nuclear family to make way for politically correct “any family is a real family” propaganda, and mentioned the importance of a strong father figure in the lives of girls, but I wanted to devote more into elaborating on some specific issues regarding fatherhood.

The traditional two parent family, married mom and dad is unfortunately a rarity these days. Barely a quarter of people I knew in school had a stable two parent household with an active father figure. Perhaps many of the PC liberals grew up in the divorce generation, spanning from the baby boomers up to now. Since the sexual revolution, the traditional two parent home, and the value of marriage gave way to hook ups, flings and an attitude of non-commitment and disregard for the fallout. In many households, the fathers were absentee and walked out, or were simply “baby-daddies” and sperm donors. I theorize many of the liberals grew up jaded and cynical since they had no real father figure or strong man in their lives. Those kids then went on to have more kids and perpetuate the same cycle, with the same non-committal attitudes. They have told themselves and their children lies about how you don’t need a father, and a woman can raise kids all by her lonesome and be equal to a two parent household. The radical feminists keep telling women and girls that they shouldn’t depend on a man and that having a man around signals oppression. This all lead to cynical attitudes about men and fatherhood. Even in families with dads still around, the radical feminists prefer them to be weak and subordinate to the female members of the family, rather than take the lead in the household. Paradoxically, the liberals whine that too many men don’t step up and take care of their families, and just walk out, they attack any societal expression of the fathers who are in the picture. This I feel, is a “war on fatherhood”.

Examples of this war are everywhere! A major example is simply the downplaying of the father figure in children’s lives. The liberals want us to believe that fathers are inconsequential, and single mothers can do both jobs just as well. However, this is a politically correct lie, simply to soothe some whiny, bitter single mom’s hurt feelings. For all the things a mother can give to her children, she cannot give the perspective a man can for their children. Children needs both parents in the picture to get a more well rounded upbringing. An issue plaguing our society today due to lack of father figures are boys growing up to be weak and hyper feminized, instead of learning how to be strong men. Single mothers paranoid to simply let “boys be boys” are raising a generation of emotionally fragile, weak young men who cannot take charge like their grandfathers did and be the rock in the family. Men were once raised to honor, protect and respect the women close to them, but now chivalry is labeled sexism, and “respecting” women means being a mindless lapdog for a “Nasty Woman”! Men who would have gone off to fight and protect their women are now in need of safe spaces, trigger warnings, and flinch at the thought of a bruise! A father knows what is was like to once be a rambunctious spirited boy, and would raise his son to become a strong and capable man from a man to man perspective. As mothers relate better to daughters, sons relate more to their fathers, being the same gender, one day filling that role themselves. A single mom can devote her entire life to a son, but she can never give what a man can give in terms of becoming a man one day.

Daughters too, need a strong father figure. The PC liberals hate this point even more, as it reinforces notions they have decried as “sexist”, but the point still stands. Daughters raised with involved fathers are far less likely to become at risk, and promiscuous, have body image issues and of course “daddy issues” later in life! Many young women I know without dads have become victim of the PC radical feminist “Nasty Woman” and hook up culture, distrusting of men and committed relationships. The traditional role of the father as his daughter’s protector, guarding her from unwanted advances by manipulative boys and seeing who is worthy of her in relationships, and marriage, is decried by the PC liberals. While it was true fathers had ownership over daughters, to marry them off historically, fathers today covet the role of protector and guardian over their daughters. A father knows what men are like, being one, and what sort of man is good for his daughter. A good father helps his daughter choose wisely in relationships, and models what a man should be like in her life in how he treats her, her mother and other women. Also, he models what men should expect of her in return. Fathers that expect their daughters to have standards and conduct themselves as ladies raise girls to attract gentlemen who want well bred ladies, not vulgar “Nasty Women” of the radical feminist era. He also models what a strong man is for the family, and not some hyper feminized boy like single mothers raise all too often. A single mother can teach her daughter about womanhood, but she cannot teach her about men like a man can. Anyone who cries “sexism”! is mistaken, as it is not about anyone being inferior, but a question of insider perspective. As the PC liberals hate it when outsiders talk for minority groups, because they’re not insiders, they ought to realize a man’s and a woman’s perspective on the world are going to be different, and a child needs both to grow up well rounded. A man cannot have the same deep experiences of a woman, and vice versa. Mothers cannot do it alone, fathers have to be there too in a balanced family.

This is why it incenses me when the PC liberals try to stifle the role of a father in an attempt to be “inclusive” to the “any family is a real family” lie. Many schools have banned the father-daughter dance becuase it might hurt someone’s feelings that they don’t have a dad and can’t go, or reinforces the value of the traditional family. Butt-hurt whiny single mothers complained, and ruined it for everyone! Who says the girl can’t go with another male family friend or relative? Why ruin it for everyone who does have an involved father in the picture? A believe an involved father, standing up for the traditional family is a rarity now, and should be celebrated! I wish more schools had the backbone to send the message that a father figure is important, not just for individual families, but society as a whole. The father-daughter dance is an expression of the value fathers should have. It’s still amazing in the hostile PC climate, women are still letting their fathers walk them down the aisle, and give them away during their weddings! I fear in another generation or so, that will be gone too…

More slights against the father figure are embroiled in controversies surrounding the funny prom photo of dad between the girl and her date, holding a shotgun! What was once all in good humor, and not serious, is now an atrocity! “How dare a man have a gun in the presence of children!” “How dare he not let his daughter have sexual agency!” etc… What was once a joke in a nod towards the father’s role as his daughter’s protector is now construed as a violent patriarchal threat! I mean though, who should let their sixteen year old sleep with whoever she wants and get knocked up on prom night? Is it wrong for dad to forbid her to fling herself on any guy she wants and get pregnant as a teenager? The radical feminists envision weak dads who have no say in their daughter’s lives, while they go out in their pussy hats and feel vulgarity is empowerment, sleep with any guy to be “liberated” from the patriarchy and want weak men! Any dad who wants to raise a lady of standards is now demonized and called sexist and patriarchal!

Lastly, but certainly not least, another war on fathers is an attack on Father’s Day. Single mothers want two Mother’s Days, one on Father’s Day for their extra hard work, but why not just celebrate it all on Mother’s Day? Fathers deserve their own special day, just for their hard work. Mothers already have a day too, and single moms replacing Father’s Day is only a way to feel better about the gaping hole not having a father in their children’s lives is. Why not let dad have his day? The father is downplayed now so much in society, Father’s Day is a way to stand up for fatherhood and the nuclear family. Erasing fatherhood from our cultural memory and acknowledgement is a politically correct tyranny to soothe many bitter single moms and fatherless children. The truth hurts sometimes though, and it is a truth that fathers matter in the family unit and in our society! We need to fight back the PC notions of ” any family is a real family” garbage! If you stand for the intact stable family, of mom and dad, thank your father 🙂

Back in the day, this is how the ideal family was once portrayed, not just “any family is a real family” PC propaganda!

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“Mind The (Age) Gap” Part II: A Trip Down Memory Lane!

I made this point in part I of this series: it’s not just millennials who are radical snowflakes, and they didn’t get these ideas out of thin air! Nor, did a lot of these PC liberal ideas start with the millennial generation either! The “elders” of today came mostly now from generations of the post WWII era, starting with the boomers from 1946 to 1955, going through Gen X from the 1960-1980’s before the millennials. While many remember a simpler time in their youth, than the media crazed era of the digital age of today, and the radical snowflake agendas, it only takes a history book or some memories to realize the world from 1946 to 1980 or so was just as tumultuous in its own way as today’s issues!

The dowdy old “fuddie-duddies” of today seem to forget, they were in the generations that had the hippie movement, the sexual revolution, draft dodging, the new era of divorce and the broken home, racial tension in the civil rights movement and more! The baby boomer generation from the post WWII years, were in their teens and 20’s around the late 1950’s to 1960’s. During this time, were the civil rights movement and the hippie movement! Issues of racial tension are not new to the BLM movement of today. Race riots were being fought, protests were being done, marches for racial equality and desegregation were afoot. The hippie movement was very controversial with the older generations of the era, and many saw it as the disintegration of the old family and community values, and an “anything goes” movement of promiscuity and drug use. Sound familiar? The elders decrying millennials in their late 60’s and 70’s were peers of those at Woodstock! The promiscuous hook up culture of today for example, is not a millennial movement! The hook up culture of today had its roots back in the sexual revolution in guess when? The 1960’s to 1980’s! The advent of the broken divorced homes started with the boomers and Gen Xers. The Gay LGBT movement had its beginnings in the 60’s with things like the Stonewall riots in 1969 and overlapped in time period with the civil rights movements and second wave feminism. These are only some broad examples of how these “elders” decrying millennials today were the generation in the middle of multiple counter cultural revolutions themselves!

Now, I’m not saying everything about those movements were bad. Prejudice and segregation, or inequality for women were bad then as now. I’m not saying let’s go back to when people of color, women and gays had zero rights. However, many aspects of these movements did have detrimental messages, like the militant black power ideologies, the advent of promiscuity, disintegration of the traditional family and militant feminism, as well as a more militant LGBT community. The culture of the “proper” traditional 1950’s, while having it’s flaws that did need to be challenged and changed for the better, had elements the more counter cultural 1960’s ought to have kept, like traditional family values for example. The counter cultural movements of the 1960’s sowed many of the seeds for the contemporary radical liberal agendas of today. The radical boomer snowflakes probably grew up involved in and around those movements and only embraced it as it got more radical in the 1990’s to present. Third wave radical feminism was founded on the second wave radical feminism of our elders’ youth. Also important to note, much of the liberal movement apparently led by millennials, like the Parkland movement, are actually being supported, funded and goaded behind the scenes by adults with their own agenda to play, using and exploiting the young people for their own ends. Teens and young adults generally don’t have much say, so much of their power is probably being funded and promoted by older adults! The Women’s March, as another example was being funded by other groups, like Muslim groups and BLM.

Now is a tumultuous very counter cultural time, but so was the days of many older adult’s youth too. Even before the boomers, think of the revolution post WWI. The prim Victorian traditions gave way to more relaxed standards of the 1920’s. Think of your great or great-great grandparents being of the “flapper” era, one of jazz, promiscuity, radical vulgar dance moves and too short dresses! Point is, counter cultural tendencies among youth are timeless! The issues may have changed, but the attitudes have not.

Which brings me to an important point though. Just because stuff was going on “back then”, doesn’t automatically mean it defined you! Not everyone who was in their 20’s and teens in the 60’s were at Woodstock or promiscuous drug addled hippies! Not every young woman in the 60’s was a bra burning feminist who advocated for promiscuity! Not every person who was young in the 20’s was a flapper! Yes, many movements were iconic of their respective eras, but plenty of people were not defined by those movements, nor a part of them. There were plenty of mainstream, regular Joes who lived conservative lives like their parents. The same realization should be applied to millennials today. Not every millennial is defined by the new snowflake era of today. Many are simply living modest lives and not preaching on a soapbox in a pussy hat with a picket sign! Not all are kneeling for the BLM movement, or doing inconsequential protests against gun ownership or Trump. Many indeed, are quietly more moderate or conservative like myself, and simply stay out of such heated topics day to day with others. I am very critical of the radical liberal snowflake youth, as much as many elders, but I ask you to please not forget the tumultuous times of your youth before you automatically judge all young people as the nutty revolutionaries of today! Many are simply trying to survive in this time of upheaval and tumult in our society just as it was before. While many movements have become much more extreme now than back then thanks to millennials, the seeds were sown in the youth of our elders, not the millennials! Before you judge an entire generation, please take a trip down memory lane yourself 😉

“Mind The (Age) Gap” Part I: Not all Snowflakes are Millennials, and Not all Millennials are Snowflakes…

Millenials: also known as the narcissistic, entitled, disrespectful generation. Always on their phones, tuned out of the world, feel entitled to “participation trophies” for just going through life. The generation that refuses to acknowledge the dedication of their elders, or the values that kept society together such as family, work ethic, even simple kindness, and then has the audacity to say the world is flawed and do inconsequential protesting. I don’t blame any older people who do have a negative image of millennials, it is true many are on their militant soapbox, preaching for causes they know little of, and doing inconsequential protests or disrespectful things such as interrupt opposing speakers and laying siege to college campuses and schools! Many millennials are more superficial, and more into their phones or celebrities than real world issues, or building a solid future. I’ve personally known those types too. Many millennials do show ageism, and belittle the older generations as useless, past their prime, and inept and unworthy to be heard. The “triggered” snowflake generation is a real thing out there!

However, many forget their own youth, and the issues of their generation. Ageism goes both ways, and as many millennials are guilty of being belittling towards the elders, many elders are guilty of stereotyping all millennials. The millennial generation spans roughly from the 1980’s to 2000’s. I was born within those years, and personally know many millennials, including myself, who are not in fact, rabid liberal snowflakes. Conservative millennials are rarer, or at least, not “out of the closet” due to the vitriol of their fellow snowflake peers, and even teachers, and employers, but they are out there, as a more moderate majority. People like us are not the stereotype of the entitled, shallow, narcissistic millennial who only cares for themselves and takes everyone else for granted, and high on dope! We are the ones trying to grow into adulthood, one of stability, security and a functional place in the world. We are the ones trying to take the values our parents gave us to heart, the ones who want to wait for the right person instead of a hook-up, the ones who instead of taking booze and dope, are studying towards good schools and fruitful careers. Many of us are bright, driven, determined and want to earn their place in the world the honest way. Millenials, like myself do not appreciate the vocal loudmouth snowflakes who want to represent what my generation is all about. There is a silent majority of young people who uphold traditional values and conservative viewpoints.

I find it a shame many seem not to remember their younger years, or idolize their youth as a utopia where there was no wrong. I’m not making excuses for the militant radical snowflakes by any means, but for millennials in general, we aren’t that different from you when you were young. Yes, plenty of millennials focus on inconsequential issues, like peer groups and celebrities instead of real word issues, but what were you focused on at 15? Did you have all your priorities in order in your teens? Can you honestly say you are the same person at 50 as you were at 20? Maybe young people are more idealistic and naive to the world, but who has the knowledge of an elder who’s had decades of experience in their 20’s? The point is, there are some traits all youth have regardless of the era. Young people naturally want to make changes in their world, right the wrongs of their parents, clash over cultural interests and differing ideologies from their parents and elders. Young people can also be very naive and too unrealistic, or more radical in their opinions, but often simmer down by the time they get a taste of the world! What you care about is what affects your life. It may be peer groups today, but politics tomorrow as you become the one paying the bills or raising a family 😉 Think of an issue you changed your perspective on as you aged…

Another important point to make too in all this millennial bashing, is that we weren’t the only generation that ruffled a few feathers! These radial snowflake ideas, while many are more recent, didn’t come out of thin air! Where do you think these millennials have gotten such radial snowflake views from? It’s not just my generation whose been espousing these ideas, like political correctness, sexual anarchy, “any family is a real family”, trigger warnings, safe spaces, just do what makes you feel good etc… Think of it: these ideas are being taught in schools across the country, to the next generation of snowflakes. The mainstream media is full of news organizations with a blatant liberal bias, even major social media platforms and search engines like Google are blatant liberal, and will even censor conservatives! Now, one may argue many of these people behind this could have been some of the earliest “millennials”, but a lot of these new radical ideas like the transgender thing or safe spaces are more recent, and the bulk of the criticism towards millennials is directed towards teens and college aged kids. Adults control these major companies like Google, or CNN, not teenagers still in high school! Millennials are getting much of their liberal propaganda through the adults in their lives in school, and in the media such as news, TV shows and movies.

And it’s not just 40 and under people feeding the liberal agenda to our youth today! I know personally several people past their 50’s and 60’s who are radical snowflake all the way, including several friend’s parents, teachers, even older college professors! These people are no better than any militant millennial, one mother in her 60’s I know went to the Women’s March in DC when Trump was elected, and wore a pussy hat and had a sign with the middle finger that said “Now you p*ssed off Grandma!” There was another example in the recent news about a retired English teacher, who rudely “corrected” a letter President Trump himself sent to her personally addressing her concerns, and resent it back with the corrections in red pen! I don’t know about you, but that is just as petty and insolent as any teenager could be! With examples from “elders” like these, how would they not turn out to be radical snowflakes? These “elders” don’t seem worthy of any respect by any one, much less impressionable youth on how to act!

Millennials are certainly not the first generation to clash with their elders or hold extreme views! While many young people are indeed all the detrimental qualities people think of, there are many others who are the opposite, and are morally upright people who just want a future for themselves and a better world and are willing to work honestly to make that happen. Plenty, like me, do not identify with their snowflake peers who are entitled and militant and intolerant of any dissent. Nor, are all adults, especially older adults representative of a more virtuous bygone era. Many have embraced the radical liberal side too, and are teaching our youth to become snowflakes like them. It’s not just radical peers parents must watch for now, but the conservative parent now must also be weary of their child’s school, academia, the mainstream media, and even respected organizations in the community and country! Stereotypes often have truth in them, but there are always exceptions to the rule! Belittling and stereotyping millennials and youth in general as negative, only alienates allies in the fight for common sense, virtue and reason like myself and other millennials, and may even drive young people on the fence on these issues over to the radical liberal side due to them thinking that all adults are “anti-them” but the liberals hear their voice and embrace them. Please “mind the (age) gap”, and be a bridge, not a wall between you and young people in your life.

“The World Must be My Safe Space!”: Forcing Others to Cater to Your Opinions

Safe spaces and trigger warnings are a common liberal topic. Their defense of such concepts is that everyone can’t handle every subject matter or situation, such as those with PTSD or trauma. To them, a safe space or a trigger warning is a “way out” of an uncomfortable or traumatic situation without shame or embarrassment. In of itself, the ideas seem pretty reasonable, as no one should be forced into a situation they’re not comfortable with or brings up past traumatic experiences, but often, these ideas go too far and become too extreme. I and many other conservatives, while agreeing that it’s okay to remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation or experience, forcing others to go out of their way for you to do so, such as censoring others from unpopular ideas, or from making their own choices, crosses the line into being objectionable. What many liberals fail to see, is that it is on you to be responsible for removing yourself from the situation, not demanding others to conform to your needs! If you can’t handle something, it’s on you to handle it in a way that’s best for you, not impede others from making their own choices. This sense of entitlement basically says “the word has to adjust to me and my needs!” versus adjusting yourself to the world as it is, even though it’s not the perfect world you want it to be. Just because you object to an idea, or a subject makes you uncomfortable or brings up negative personal experiences, you have no right to feel entitled to stop others from hearing or being exposed to it. A common example of this clash is within parenting.

Many parents, well intentioned, have the philosophy of keeping their children in metaphorical bubble wrap from the real world and its issues. They want to protect their children’s “innocence”, and to do so, they crusade to make the world into a giant “child friendly” play palace! They’re the ones that rant and rave and call for bans on TV shows, books, and movies for not being “child friendly” enough, of course, by their own personal parenting standards, not on some agreed on objective definition! Basically, if anything exists that is not in line with their personal parenting opinions, they call for it to be changed or banned without considering other families might make a different choice than them. While they claim to do it to keep their kids safe, number one, is it really keeping them safe by hiding the hard topics in life from them? and number two, your crusade to ban or censor something reaches beyond just your kids, but everyone else’s kids as well! What on Earth made you think you are entitled to parent everyone else’s children?!

A specific example of this sense of entitlement to force the world to conform to your personal tastes is the moral panic over the TV show 13 Reasons Why. Parents, and many school districts, have gotten onto the moral panic train, and claimed that the show handles suicide irresponsibly and is dangerous for at risk youth. In addition, it touches explicitly on topics like rape, bullying and violence. I am not denying that the topic of suicide was not treated in the way trained professionals would have liked, or that the message didn’t have its flaws, but does that give us a right to censor it or make it conform only to what the “right” message is? Does every single piece of fiction have to conform to the best practices in reality? Yes, the show may not be the best role model for your teen to do in real life, but what about all the other TV shows out there? Whatever happened to the phrase “it’s just TV, not real life”? Censoring every piece of fiction to conform to what some people think is the “right” way to handle problems in life is unfair and extremely entitled as then you deny others to make their own choice about what they get out of the story. 13 Reasons Why may not send the best messages out there, and many other shows for kids and teens may not either, but why not teach your kids to discern fact from fiction, rather than censor everything you disagree with and not let others make the choice for themselves? Yes, kids are malleable and influenceable, but it is your job as the parent to set them straight about reality, not the TV producers! Censorship of the media and literature is a very, very slippery slope, as what is deemed the “right” message, for your kids, for your citizens, for the world, is subjective. Confronting harder ideas and controversies does far more benefit than censorship and bubble wrap. Forcing others to bend to your personal interpretations of what is the “right” message is appalling. If you don’t like 13 Reasons Why, address it with your family, don’t complain to the producers, your school district, the world etc… to browbeat others to conform to your choices. It has a right to be put out there as much as any other media in a free society.

Of course, this isn’t solely a parenting issue. College students demanding for ideas to be censored because they’re unpopular, or not PC have the same sense of entitlement that the world must cater to their personal needs, rather than them learning to adapt to the world. Demanding therapy animals for the stress of finals, crying rooms, crayons, trigger warnings before assignments, etc… all making the colleges and universities go out of their way instead of you simply removing yourself from the situation, or learning better coping skills are some examples! Academics can be tough. It’s not easy all the time to study for big high stakes tests, but everyone does it to go somewhere in life. It’s not always comfortable to have your deeply held beliefs challenged in class by your professors and peers. Sometimes, you will be assigned readings that may shock, even offend you at times. Stuff you can scream “I disagree!” in your head as you read it. Believe me, I’ve been there too! But, does that mean you are entitled to censor it so you can feel comfortable? By doing so, you’re depriving everyone else of the right to make their own choice in what they can and cannot handle for themselves. Demanding trigger warnings, or a changed reading list for a course inconveniences others around you. How simple would it have been to simply remove yourself from the situation or switched out once you knew a certain book would “trigger” you? And no, I don’t mean have the professor put a trigger warning on the book, actually research the subject matter yourself and decide if the book is okay for you beforehand! It would be great if you could open your mind to a new uncomfortable idea, get through it, and gain personal growth and confidence as a result, but if you want to stay in your “safe space”, don’t put it upon others to go out of their way to make one for you! People who demand the world change to be more in line with their needs are not nearly as successful as those who adapt to the world as it is.

Certainly not the last example, but a more tricky one, as I genuinely don’t want to belittle the trauma and hurt of a painful experience, is for those who have gone through traumatic experiences. While I acknowledge the need to have time to heal from trauma, or not be reminded of it all the time, there is only so much that is fair to put on others for not “triggering” you. For one example, if you were a victim of a sexual assault, it may still be within reason to politely ask people in your company to not make lewd jokes about it, or talk about it disrespectfully or dismissively and make light of it. However, what gives you the right to forbid the entire world from speaking as they want when you’re not around, and they have no attachment to you at all? Even if what they say offends you personally, or is in fact, insensitive to people like you, does your experience trump their freedom to say what they please? Or say, you know someone with mental illness or tried suicide. Who says you’re entitled to forbid the entire planet from ever using the world “retarded” or “psycho” again in contexts not relating to your specific loved one, or even mentally ill people at all! Just because someone says “I want to die” in jest over a mild embarrassment doesn’t mean they have ill will or callousness toward actual victims of suicide! This sounds harsh, but just because you have problems and carry deep baggage doesn’t mean you are entitled to force everyone to carry it with you and make their words as weighty as they are to you. It was not fair you had to be a victim of trauma, but there’s no going back now. The best one can do is think of it like a chronic condition, it’s always there, but it is on you to manage it and make it livable. Not everyone else. Do we demand others give up sugar simply because some people are diabetic? Why not ban peanuts since some people can have life threatening reactions to them? Should others be put upon for your individual needs? Just because you can’t look at things the same way others who haven’t been through what you have do, it shouldn’t mean they too must see the world through your eyes. Your personal baggage is your responsibility to live with. The whole situation is unfair, and you didn’t deserve one bit of it, but neither did diabetics, or people with life threatening allergies. But they aren’t out to ban sugar or nuts for everyone simply because they can’t have it. Words and ideas are the same. Just because they are painful to you, doesn’t mean they have to carry that deep weight for the rest of the world.

There are plenty more examples, but these are some major ones. The overall message I have is stop feeling that you’re entitled to make the world bend to your needs! Your college courses, TV shows, movies, things others say etc… do not have to cater to your personal subjective opinions. Other people have the liberty to make choices for themselves about what they think, what they can say, what they watch or read and such, and by calling for bans or censorship, you deny them their right to express an opinion as well. If you’re not one of those people, know I’m not talking to you directly. “You” means all the entitled snowflakes who think the world must cater to them, instead of adapting to the world and taking accountability for knowing themselves and their own personal limits. Whatever happened to common sense and reason? You are in control of how you react to things and what you put yourself up to. It’s okay to tend to your needs. What’s not okay is making everyone else go out of their way to cater to them.