Your Choice, Their Body…

I’m sure you all have heard of the recent laws being passed in several states restricting women’s abilities to get abortions. For many, it’s a victory in the fight to recognize the human right to life for the unborn, but for others, it comes as a severe blow for women’s rights to her bodily autonomy. Abortion is an incredibly heated topic, perhaps more so than all the others I’ve covered on this blog! Regardless of where you personally stand on the issue, I think much of the controversy rests in the fact that many pro-choice people miss the points the pro-life side is trying to make. The pro-choice side sees it as a struggle against the “patriarchy” over obsessive control over women’s bodies and has decided that men have no say in the matter, and argue that person hood and the rights that come with it don’t start until birth. However, the pro-life arguments I have heard have nothing to do with obsessively controlling what women do with their bodies, and all about protecting any ethical concerns regarding the person hood and right to life of the developing fetus. To many pro-life people, they define those rights beginning at conception. Some define it after a heart beat begins at around 6 weeks. Some factor in the when ability for pain and suffering would be present in the equation.

As to my own personal views on the matter, I will only say this right now: The issue is not all black and white, but ANY viewpoint or decision on the matter has to be about the child’s interests, NOT what’s merely convenient for mom! I’m honestly enraged by the blasé attitude of “my body my choice”, because the child growing inside of you is its own entity despite needing your body for survival for the first 9 months. Yes, bearing a child to term is a drain on your body, but just because your already born kids are a drain on your bank account doesn’t give you the moral right to terminate your parenthood over them, now does it?… Why not a “my bank account, my rules” clause too that relives parents of the legal obligation to feed and clothe their kids as well? A fetus depends on your body but is NOT part of your body and regardless if you are pro-choice or pro-life that’s just biology. It is not your cells. It is not your DNA. It often is not your blood type, and what many women find out the hard way, nor your Rh factor. The REAL crux of the issue is not about whether or not it’s biologically part of your own body, but the point at which it gains its own moral person hood and human rights in its own interests apart from yours, which is a nuanced and contentiously debated issue!

And nuanced and high stakes ethical issues require all sides be on the same page as to what’s being argued. I can respect arguments about the quality of life for the child after it’s born, as part of honoring life is understanding that all life is sacred, but the quality of that life matters just as much as being biologically alive. I can understand arguments about the mother’s health and safety in extreme cases other than mere inconvenience or some discomfort. What I cannot and will not consider though, is the total disregard for the fact that there even is a separate life to consider in the equation! 

The radical Leftist pro-choice side has lost more and more credibility with me the more they deny there are any rights to be considered for the child and couch their arguments in terms of convenience and argue strawmans about some mythical right-wing fundamentalist “patriarchy” in a mass conspiracy to get women pregnant and keep them that way. Really? The guys would have to pay child support for the next 18 years then! If they were being selfish and callous, they would encourage MORE abortions! He wants to cover up his mistake too… Oh, and the idea terminating a life is merely a “medical procedure” sounds chilling to both sides in any other context… Conversely, I have only gained more respect for pro-life arguments which do consider the interests of the unborn child above all else, because that’s what a parent does, and I agree parenthood morally begins once you know you’re pregnant, (and many on either side agree in terms of drinking and drugs while pregnant…) and parents put their children first above all else. Do I think the mother has zero rights herself? No, but while every life is sacred and person deserving of their human rights including mom, a mother puts her children first.

However, we could avoid this entire issue and the ugly realities it brings out for both sides of the debate if people could have the self control to not pop out unwanted kids then feel the need to clean up the mess! In that I agree with the pro-choice side: Your body, your choice, but also your consequences! With freedom, comes responsibility ladies. If you expect a man to step up to the plate if you choose to keep your baby, then why can’t you hold yourself to that same standard? Sex is NOT a right, and it’s certainly not a right to bring a child into this world you can’t care for and won’t want to! Prevention is the best cure!

Oh, and to the women on sex strike not raising future kids they will resent or turn into soy boys or radical man haters, thank you for this wonderful gift to humanity! 😉

Image result for branco radical feminist

(Oh, and P.S., all the conservative men said “NO!” first 😉 )

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Mom: The Most Important Job…

If you have been privileged to have an amazing mom then you know that she deserves her own special day and more! Regardless of race, gender, politics, religion, culture, etc… we can all agree a loving, caring, supportive mother who is your biggest fan and loves you unconditionally is one of your greatest privileges to have in this life.

Throughout history, across all cultures, all peoples, no matter what side you’re on, the shared experience many have of the love of their mothers brings most of humanity together. Yet, why is it then in our society motherhood is looked upon as a burden, a chore, enslavement even for women? Is motherhood easy? Certainly not! But what is easy in this life that’s worth lifelong happiness? The feminist movement now treats motherhood as part of the “patriarchy”, saying men pressure women to be mothers to enslave them as domestic servants while he goes out to have all the fun! They say that women should be able to get “real jobs” in order to be empowered. Fancy degrees, high powered careers, not “depend on a man” and that kids will hold you back. They say it’s sexist to think of women as mothers first and that their kids take away their identity. However, what if your kids are a permanent part of your identity and you want it that way? Is it possible a woman can live a traditionally feminine lifestyle as a wife and mother and find the fulfillment she wants in life without worrying about what the new age feminists think of her autonomy? What does it honestly say about our society when being the CEO of some company is more important and far more valued then raising the next generation of our future leaders? Or bringing new life into the world?

Some women are now raised to worry about what sort of “impact” she’ll make if she’s stuck at home living for her children and family? She says, “But I want to be empowered! I want to save the world! I want to have bigger dreams than beyond the walls of my home! I want to be autonomous like a man and dream of achieving everything my brothers can…” Now, I get that not all women want a domestic lifestyle and guess what? That’s fine by me. My issue however, is that such attitudes often are not made from many women’s intrinsic desires, but more of a way to “one-up” the patriarchy or “be like a man” as she feels this is the only way she’ll be empowered and autonomous, or make any impact on the world. She feels that it’s “sexist” to be told that motherhood is one of her greatest callings she can pursue, but what of the inherent sexism I’ve argued about before  in sending women the message that the only way to matter in this world is to become a man and shun traditional femininity? Isn’t it silly though, to believe that mothers make no mark on the world? Anyone who has had a mother in their life has been deeply impacted by her love, care, devotion and everlasting support, or in the unfortunate case where that was not the case, they do not forget how she was absent when they needed her to be a mother.

If motherhood does not make an impact, then why do countless cultures hold a special place of honor for a mother? Why is one of the rare times a man can break down and show real raw emotions is when he loses his mother, or get sentimental over the memories he’s had with her? Why can soldiers, trained for stoic bravery and fearlessness sob in the barracks at night over missing mom, or in their most vulnerable moment, cry out to her when sick or injured and people don’t see them as less of a man? Why have many high powered women in leadership positions, who have broken barriers for women often cite their mothers as their strength and inspiration to achieve their dreams? Or all the so called powerful men of the “patriarchy” credit their moms for their success as well? What about the phrase behind every great man is a great woman?

How can anyone say that the woman whose shoulder you cry on, the woman you laugh with, who loves you unconditionally, who applauds your successes and supports you in your weakest moments, who is your biggest fan, who has raised you since day one, who has carried you in her body to her own inconvenience big and small, or has opened her heart to you and raised you as if she had carried you within her, has sacrificed more than you will ever know for you and the family, etc…etc… did not make an impact in this world? Saying she has no freedom, and is reduced to a mere slave unable to achieve anything “worthwhile” like a job in the workforce is the most sexist insult you can give a woman, and yet society reinforces that message everyday to prospective mothers.

“Oh, you have so much life ahead of you…” “Don’t you want to be something else too?” “You’re too young to decide right now!” are all phrases we take for granted, and yet perpetuate the bias that motherhood and traditional womanhood is oppressive and limiting. Imagine anyone saying these things to girls when they say they want to be in a career! Absurd when you see it that way… A job isn’t everything in life. Yes, I realize that many women can’t be stay at home moms anymore, including my own mother. However, couldn’t that be argued to have been forced on women too, as a result of this “independent woman” craze? When we stopped expecting women to be home full time with the children and out in the workforce like men, we stopped supporting women as wives and mothers, and give less opportunities for men to be breadwinners in their families. Now, a woman not working is often considered a leech by men who feel she is just freeloading off his earnings, rather than being like the men before him who saw it as their duty as a man to provide for his wife and family.

Now, my mom did work like many mothers of this day and age in a solid career and actually was the breadwinner in my family! She enjoyed her career and did in fact, earn a graduate degree and is proud of that and of her ability to provide for her family. However, she was always mom first. Something many high powered career women who subscribe to the masculine ideal of a fulfilling life aren’t. She cut back her hours to always be a stable presence in my life and if she could have, she would have stayed home full time to raise me. She could have risen up higher in her job, but chose her children over her career ambitions because she knew that the impact she would make on me, and the legacy she would leave behind as a mother was far more important than a fleeting career promotion. She knew that a career was a wonderful thing to have, but being a mom was far more important and her #1 job no matter what!

The devaluing of mothers in society is the root of many issues today with women resentful of their own kids as obstacles rather than legacies, kids stuck in daycare full time rather than being with mommy, little help for stay at home moms to stay home and make ends meet, and the constant message of under-appreciation from a society bent on women becoming more and more like men. When will the so called feminists, advocates of women as they claim to be, stand up for traditional femininity as being equal to being like men? When will more women cherish the children they brought into this world more than their next job promotion? When will the lifelong impact and legacy a mother leaves on her family be valued just as much as the next scientific breakthrough or glass ceiling shattered? How worth it is shattering that glass ceiling if your children will be stuck on the other side?

Why does the world have to know about you? Why do you need approval from the whole world? Is the legacy you leave behind on your family enough? Why is being like a man with an outside job so much more meaningful than raising the next generation? To me, it speaks more of a society obsessed with money and worldly prestige, power and fame, which all fade soon enough, than with creating a legacy spanning generations of commitment, support, and unconditional love.

Look, there’s nothing bad about having careers or wanting other identities in addition to motherhood. Motherhood may not be for every woman, and if you truly don’t want to become one, for the sake for any future children raised in your future resentment and neglect, don’t be. But don’t discount becoming a mother because of some radical feminist message that it will make you a lesser human being or strip you of your empowerment, as the most empowered women I know are mothers and proud of it. It’s time we women  show the world we are NOT lesser or oppressed because we choose to value something different than being like the pseudo-men the feminist movement brainwashes us to become. Mothers, you ARE making an impact in this world, one FAR greater than any worldly career!

Thank you, Mom!

To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world… 

—Unknown

Yes, Sometimes You Have to Work Harder Than The Next Guy…

I’ve wanted to bring up this point for a while now: Sometimes it takes more work to get where you want than for another person.

Now, as obvious as this sounds to most people, apparently this is breaking news for the Left! Their beef is the fact that not everyone has that “even chance” in life. The most commonly cited examples being racial minorities or women. The Left argues that racial bias and prejudice has held back countless qualified employees, brilliant students and hard working people from reaping the deserved rewards for their hard work. The idea that even despite the civil rights movement and a bigger push for equality, racism is still rife and people will do anything to get around anti-discrimination laws leading to the system keeping racial minorities in poverty and trapped in a downward spiral. Instead of seeing many minority communities as represented by lawyers, doctors, CEO’s etc… they are seen as welfare leeches, criminals and a drain on society.

Women too, as gender is the other huge example they argue about face similar bias in the eyes of the Left. Women are dismissed, not taken seriously, looked upon as weak, incompetent, and unsuited for many lines of work traditionally done by men. However, the trends have changed as more and more women break the barriers once faced by women historically. Never the less, the Left still argues women only are paid 3/4 of what men are and are held back from reaching higher levels in their respective careers and limited in stereotypes of more “feminine” lines of work.

In both cases of race and gender, the idea is that those who fall in to either (or both!) don’t have the same chances of a white male in particular of landing a good career or getting into a good school. In the minds of the Left, the system keeps them trapped, and the idea that in America, you can work your way up in this life is a fantasy. Now, I don’t deny that gross inequalities have existed historically, and still exist in society. I understand that not everyone does have an even chance at life and success and the wider forces of society do influence all of us and what we’re able to achieve. However, the Left misses a very crucial other piece of the puzzle to success: The individual’s determination to get what they want.

I think the Left has created their own reality about the situation. They over attribute social factors negating personal ones and other factors that may have had the outcome of being held back. I’ve argued more in detail about the whys in previous posts, but for the sake of the argument I want to make let’s assume everything the Left says about “the system” keeping women and minorities down is trueSo, to be clear here, the basic assumptions I am going off of are the ideas that racial minorities and women are kept back by society and that their race, gender or both have been the main factor in hindering their success in life.

However, who says race and gender are the only factors holding you back? Yep. Just because you weren’t hired you can automatically assume it had to be racially motivated, or because you’re a woman? What about factors such as social connections, family connections and networking? I personally have applied for many jobs where I had none of the above, and got the job. However, I’m sure I didn’t get the other 9 out of 10 I applied for because there was a shoe-in from within the company. Or the manager’s cousin needed work. Or I just didn’t know anyone who could put in a good word about me. Or in college, the professor running the research or that internship already knew another student well and liked their work while I came in as a complete stranger. College is the same! Ever heard of legacy admissions? 😉 Or the other family donated a ton of money to the school. Or the last spot was filled by the Dean’s nephew ahead of 20 other qualified students including you. You can’t rule out that factor if you have no connections for the job or the dream school you want no matter what your race or gender! You cant know for sure exactly why you didn’t make the cut, and if you lack connections of any kind, you can’t rule that out.

What about prior experience and qualifications? Yes, you might have a Master’s degree in business administration, but that company wants someone who worked in a bigger company or with a specific skill set. A college may not accept you if they want to fill some quota of different majors or clubs people are in. Maybe they wanted a more intense focus in specific types of community service. Just because you’re a female professor, or a professor of color doesn’t mean that’s the reason you didn’t get tenure. They might have wanted someone with different research concentrations. Or your class reviews went down this year. Or they have that shoe-in already no matter what you do to make yourself the most deserving. You would think jobs and schools would be transparent about such specific desires, but often times they’re not. I have applied to many opportunities without a strong history of past relevant experiences, and surprise, surprise, I wasn’t chosen. Am I entitled to jump to the conclusion it’s because I’m a woman despite my lack of relevant experience?

Now some might say, “but I did have a stellar resume, GPA, etc… and still didn’t get the job or into the school I wanted!” For that, I say see the paragraph on lack of connections, and consider the fact that as I just said, they might be looking for a specific thing you don’t have despite your experiences and qualifications. I had a strong academic record to bring to the table in my college application to my top choice school. However, I wasn’t accepted. Why? I don’t know exactly, but my guess is I didn’t have something else they wanted to bring to that next year’s class. However, a Y chromosome wasn’t my first guess! 😉 So in conclusion, there are other factors you need to consider before crying victim to racial or gender discrimination.

Even if you can eliminate those other factors in why you weren’t given the opportunity, and you can solidly conclude it was your race or gender, does that have to stop you? Maybe you do have to work twice as hard to prove yourself. Maybe you do have to put out more applications, follow up more, become more assertive in pursuing your career goals. Maybe you do need to prove to them your priority is with them, and not with what they assume it is. Is it fair you are under a microscope your colleagues or classmates are not? No! But is life fair 100% of the time for anyone? Maybe white guy down the hall isn’t getting promoted or is in danger of getting laid off because he doesn’t have connections despite being white and male, but you just don’t know his situation and assume he’s working his way up easily because of his skin color or his chromosomes when he might be under his own microscope too. Maybe you’re a minority, but have a degree, training, specific research, past relevant internships etc…the white person doesn’t giving you the edge on your resume when coming up for review.

Point is, regardless of if we get what we want or not, we all have a mixture of advantages and disadvantages that may include race and gender. I’m not saying there is no gender or racial bias out there. However, why is race and gender “extra special” and entitle you to cry victim over for example, someone who simply doesn’t have the right connections? You can argue, “but you have no control over race or gender”, but how much control do you have over whether or not you’re the manager’s cousin?

So what’s a person to do? You have to work harder than everyone else, exceed expectations, be held to a higher standard, and you can’t control your race or gender. The solution seems to be mind blowing to the Left: Instead of whining and demanding affirmative action programs and quotas, actually put in the extra work to get what you want. Yes. Outwork the next guy and if you have to work twice as hard, work twice as hard! If the world thinks you don’t look like what you want to be, don’t whine about how oppressed you are, prove them wrong by pushing hard to achieve your goals. You may need more patience. People might push back and try to limit you. Not hire you. Not admit you. You probably won’t get in as fast as a more “privileged” person. But will you let that stop you? And what if there is no one like you in your dream field? Well someone had to be the first woman/minority doctor, lawyer, researcher, PhD holder, engineer, etc…  Why can’t the next someone be you? Blaze the trail yourself if you want the path created. Our heroes we look up to in the history books all did in spite of the prejudice and bias.

If you give up, doesn’t that just let those whom you feel are keeping you down win? If you throw in the towel and don’t call back, stop applying, don’t push for what you want to do in life and say “Well, I’m a person of color/woman so I will never get where I want to be” then you gave up on yourself. Not the world. Is it fair you’re held back more than others for reasons you have no control over? No! But that’s reality. Don’t whine about wanting change, BE the change! Hurdles don’t mean a closed door. They just mean a door that’s a little harder to unlock. But there is a key. That key just means working harder than the other guy sometimes… All you need is to be given one chance for that door to open. It’s up to you to have the motivation to seek it out. You CAN go far in life, you just have to work a little harder sometimes 🙂

One final point: What about the fact that white males are passed over now due to affirmative action programs? Perhaps today being a woman or minority is now the advantage 😉 …

Image result for affirmative action cartoon

The Left’s Social (Ir)responsibility…

Social responsibility: The idea that while we enjoy many individual freedoms, we cannot do just whatever we please to the detriment to our community.

I think we all embrace this concept to varying degrees despite debating the more subtle nuances. For example, many agree that your freedom to drink and drive ends when another person’s safety begins, or as some may argue, albeit far more contentiously, that vaccinating yourselves and your kids is a social responsibility toward herd immunity against disease for those who cannot get vaccinated for various reasons. Even minor daily things like basic manners and consideration of others could fall under a sort of micro version social responsibility. While we all agree we should be considerate of those around us, the problem starts when our personal freedoms get smaller and smaller all in the name of “social responsibility”. It’s a delicate balance between our right to personal choices, and others’ rights in a collective society that may affect the choices we as individuals can make for ourselves without thinking of everyone else’s needs too. In this “land of the free”, freedom should be paramount, but to live in a cohesive society, we all need to take into account the needs of the group, not just each individual.

Personally, I’m for the idea that we must do everything we can to preserve the maximum amount of freedom of personal choice as possible and some of our personal choices can ethically outweigh the needs of the group. However, I cannot go so far to say we owe nothing to contributing to a smooth and cohesive society as a whole either, such as in the case of being “free” to endanger others by driving drunk for instance. Never the less, attempts to restrict individual freedom in the name of “social responsibility” can lead down a dangerous slippery slope when the powers that be use it as an excuse to slowly take away our freedoms. This argument however, is often used by the Left against conservatives. Whatever social agenda they wish to push, they always pull out the collective responsibility card to further restrict our freedoms or demand more entitlements such as your tax money for welfare, forced indoctrination of your children, and social agendas that feel good rather than do good.

The ironic, but perhaps not surprising thing anymore is, like most of the Left’s hypocrisy, they ought to look in the mirror when speaking of social responsibility! The Left wants and demands to be given the choice to feel entitled to have hook up culture, enable welfare cradle to grave, force their agendas on the next generation and control everything they think, take away our means of defense, demand someone’s personal choice outweighs the interests of society and such. Here are some prime examples:

A person’s own personal choice to be transgender is lauded by the Left, and now demands that the rules of biology, evidence based science, and all of society must be turned on its head for those who want to redefine the norm so they can feel normal. They say that it’s a personal choice that harms no one, and that all the hoopla over the issue is a right-wing conspiracy and sexist. After all, who does it hurt if a man wants to live and identify  as a woman? Why should we care if a dude wears a dress and renames himself Susie? Why can’t there be more than a gender binary view of human nature? However, it’s not that simple.

Living as a woman with the expectation that you, a biological male, are entitled to enter women’s private spaces, compete with masculine strength on women’s sports teams, and such has consequences beyond just your own personal lifestyle choices. If it were simply about one’s personal choices, I’d have no issue at all, but that’s not the case. Women have been endangered before when perverts assaulted them in bathrooms and changing rooms pretending to be transgender. Biological male athletes on women’s teams have significantly out competed their fellow women in endurance and strength. On the flip side, trans men who are biological women do not have the requisite strength and endurance in male dominated fields such as the armed forces. Not to mention simply the idea of one feeling entitled to redefine the norm and what is factual based on their own personal feelings! So no, transgender people’s personal decisions do affect others around them yet the Left cries “personal choice” when confronted with that reality while ignoring the detriments to society. If you want to argue that communal welfare outweighs personal choices, then why not in this case?

Or consider the example of the Left’s promotion of promiscuity to young women to “get ahead” and be “empowered”. Treating sex as a handshake, a mere commodity instead of a milestone for a young woman has real and lasting detriments. It’s not, as many perceive the issue, about nosy prudes sticking their noses in everyone’s business! There are reasons why sex on a whim and confusing promiscuity with empowerment is detrimental beyond arbitrary edicts, attitudes and cultural taboos. The Left says sexual freedom must be paramount for women to be equal to men, but they forget: with freedom comes responsibility!

Yes, your personal choices regarding your sexual activity do matter for society. They matter for all the unwanted oops babies born to parents with nothing to offer them and no resources to care for them, adding a drain on services to feed, clothe, educate and provide healthcare for these children. Speaking of healthcare, isn’t it a drain on the system to be flooded with patients needing treatment for their STD’s, prenatal care and yes, abortion? What about all the misunderstandings that can arise out of murky situations regarding consent and willingness the police and courts have to deal with? All the criminal cases when she hooks up with the wrong guy? Or conversely, the young men now at risk for a false allegation that will destroy his life? What about all the young women being brainwashed into the idea that sex is a handshake and mistake exploitation for empowerment? It’s not just between you and your partner anymore when you bring 1000+ liabilities to the bedroom whenever you choose to hook up? Society did not “consent” to clean up the mess you made when you had your little slip up last night!

My last but certainly not the final example of the Left’s hypocrisy regarding social responsibility is the welfare system. They say we owe our fellow society members in need a helping hand. And if everyone were motivated to give it and pass it forward too that’s fine. The issue is though, many take clear advantage of the welfare system despite families in need who need it legitimately. The welfare system is now really the welfare state, one where families are enables to live cradle to grave off welfare with no thoughts of further career choices. Instead of using food stamps for food to feed their wife and children, they exchange them for drugs. Instead of wanting an honest job, they are content to collect our tax dollars then raise their kids to do likewise. Instead of coming to America to work, they come for our handouts while homemaking widows, starving children, wounded veterans and their families, that family who just needs this month’s rent to secure that job interview and get back to self sufficiency, etc… are denied what welfare is REALLY supposed to be for! One must ask: What about their responsibility to society to be self sufficient and earn their living rather than leech off of everyone else’s hard work?

All in all, the Left likes to cry “social responsibilities” when we ask for personal freedoms, yet ignores how they hurt society by letting people feel entitled to do what the want regardless of the consequences for society to bear. Society is NOT here to clean up and subsidize your poor choices! We, society, are not here to clean up the mess you made by:

Your unwanted pregnancies

Your STD’s

Your nasty divorce and custody battle requiring extensive therapy for your traumatized kids

Your addiction you pass off as an involuntary disease

Your choice to live as a woman then demand access to women’s spaces endangering REAL women

Living off welfare cradle to grave on OUR tax dollars

The laws that stops law abiding gun owners from defending society

Teaching a generation that what feels good matters more than what does good

And many others!

See? The best thing about embracing personal choice over societal obligations is personal choices get personal consequences 😉 You make the choice: You own it. Society should not be obligated in any way to clean up one’s own personal mess!

Ladies, Be Empowered!

This is addressed to my fellow women out there. I’ve covered much of the flaws of feminist thinking, especially along #MeToo lines in sexual assault prevention, which is basically zero. I’ve also covered in several articles my argument for more personal accountability to lessen one’s risks of assault as well as holding the perpetrator accountable too. Look, I know this topic isn’t all that pleasant, and very serious, but it must be addressed head on. I agree with the Left that misconceptions are a roadblock to empowering women to fight back against sexual assault, but I argue that it is in fact their side, that is fostering dangerous misconceptions about sexual assault.

Their basic premise is that too often, we shift the blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator and even go so far as to say we created a “rape culture” where rape is not only tolerated, but thought of as a man’s “right”. They say that the only thing that causes rape is the rapist, and nothing else. Therefore, one cannot talk about how alcohol or drugs play a role. Nor other poor risky choices such as becoming isolated or suggestive behavior/dress. Now, I will say that they are correct that one does indeed, need a rapist, to commit rape. Alcohol, sexy clothes, drugs, partying, does not literally cause a rape to happen, just as gun violence can only happen if someone pulls the trigger. However, the above factors do indeed create an increased risk of victimization, and are correlated with incidents of sexual assault.

Rapists are going to rape no matter what, because if you are at the point where you feel entitled to rape someone, you don’t care one bit about how it will impact your victim. You may not even care what they are wearing either, as many argue rape is more about power than sexuality. However, barring any empathy for your victim, you still have to choose one! So, which girl, if you would put yourself in the mindset of a callous rapist, but doesn’t want to get caught, would you choose? The girl who’s sober, more modestly dressed surrounded by 5 other girlfriends, (a.k.a. witnesses) at the party, or the one who’s almost blackout drunk, isolated, and in suggestive clothing that can be used as an excuse later in court in your favor? Who do you think would be noticed more if missing? Who do you think would put up less of a fight?

Now, does either girl deserve to get raped? Absolutely not! No one ever “deserves” rape, and nothing ever “justifies” rape. However, the cold, hard ugly truth of the matter is, one girl is more at risk than the other to be chosen as the next victim. Rapists will indeed rape no matter what whenever they find the chance, but it’s on us, ladies, to make sure he has the least amount of chances possible to target us. Causation for increasing your risk is not justification for the crime! Is it fair that we must go out of our way to look out for creeps? NO! But that’s reality. We shouldn’t need to watch out for each other at parties, or a girls’ night out. We shouldn’t have to worry about trusting the guy to take us home safely. Or buy us that drink and worry if he drugged it. We should be able to dress as sexy as we want without any unwanted advances. However, what we should be able to do and what we are able to do without putting ourselves more at risk aren’t identical.

And yes, sometimes, rape will happen when we do everything right to lessen our chances. Rapists will rape, we get it… But isn’t that true for any crime? A burglar can still smash in your window even when you lock your door every night, but does that mean you shouldn’t bother to lock your doors? We talk about more emphasis on teaching boys not to rape and assault women, instead of teaching girls how to empower themselves and lessen their risks in the logic that the solution is solely on telling men not to rape.

However, look at it this way: We teach our children not to steal, yet there are still thieves. Should the solution for burglary be simply to teach people to not steal and call any attempt at advising people to lock their doors or hide their valuables victim blaming? After all, no one has the right to steal your stuff no matter where you leave it! Similarly, there are still rapists despite teaching boys not to rape. The crime is not going away in both cases sadly. So what are we to do? Just sit around on our hands and complain about the obvious injustice, or do something to protect ourselves from becoming a victim, even if it means making inconvenient and yes, unfair, lifestyle adjustments?

Ladies, we need to live in the world as it is, not live in the world that we want it to be. Even if that world demands a “sexist” or un-PC answer to lessening our risk. We ARE judged by how we dress, whether we like it or not. Wearing sexy, provocative clothing, while never justifying any unwanted advances, sends off the signal that you want a consensual interaction and if the wrong guy who’s a complete callous jerk feels you “led him on”, yes, some will cross that line into assault. It’s ugly and unfair, wildly unfair and unjust, but ladies, this is the reality we live in. It’s not about simple morality, or saying that the girl in the sexy dress is morally “lesser” or “bad” and deserves assault, but it is about the fact that as unfair as it is, you ARE judged by how you choose to present yourself, and a real rapist can use it as an excuse in his sick twisted mind to justify harming you.

Drinking until you’re black out drunk, going off alone with a strange guy at the party, taking a drink that could be roofied easily etc… increases your chances of victimization and puts you in a vulnerable position. No, alcohol doesn’t cause rape to happen, but it does increase your risk the rapist will target you because you can’t physically resist or even say “no”. Going off alone with no witnesses and no one to step in to protect you is the perfect way to be victimized. Is this fair? Is it fair that women need to be careful instead of just being carefree when out for the night? Of course not! But as said before, this is the cold hard reality of the world we live in.

Saying all this is bound to draw the ire of many screaming “victim blaming!”, but this is no more victim blaming than suggesting one lock their doors or hide valuables to lessen chances of a burglary. Rapes can happen even after every base is covered. But so can burglaries. So can any crime. NO set of precautions has a 100% guarantee or covers every situation. That however, doesn’t mean we don’t take those precautions. Yes, the rapist could be someone you know and trust. Yes it can happen elsewhere than parties. Yes, more subtle coercion could be involved. Yes, I know all those things! That however does not belittle the merits of precautions against rapes that do happen with strangers, or in parties for instance. You may not be able to avoid one scenario, but does that mean “Why bother learning how to avoid the other”? Sure, the burglar can just smash in my window, but he sure won’t come through my door if I can help it! 😉

Ladies, it’s also not black and white. I’m not saying you can never party, you can never go out, you can never wear that “cute little number” to the club on girls’ night, you can never have a drink or hang out with a guy. We don’t have to dress like nuns and never leave our homes! All I’m proposing is to be aware. Awareness is half the battle, and with a good dose of awareness and common sense, you can have that night out of fun and be as safe as you can. Empowerment is liberating, not constraining. The awareness to know what the risk factors are, and how to avoid them is liberating, as you can live your life, just be aware and vigilant. When we drive, we learn the rules of the road. When we choose where to live, we look into crime rates. We have fire drills. We have emergency drills. We look over our shoulder in that sketchy area. We hide our valuables. We do all these things AND live a normal life full of excitement and fun. Can we do everything we want, (drink to excess, dress like we’re turning tricks, go off with every guy in the bar etc… etc..)? No. But in moderation, and with awareness of the risks, we can weigh our chances and act accordingly.

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When it’s Not Just “A Matter of Opinion”…

I sincerely believe that many issues can be debated in a mindful and nuanced way, and that many topics are multidimensional and complex in that there truly is no one simple solution that can be solved by one side or the other 100%. I also argue that it’s wrong and misguided to demonize people over an opposing view, disregarding how they got to their opinion and what motivated them to feel as they do. The vast majority of issues are not all black and white, even ones people are strongly polarized over and strongly feel theirs is the only moral opinion. There are always mitigating circumstances, unique cases, exceptions to rules, gray areas to be seen etc… that make each issue very much a case by case basis. There is room for open mindedness and still staying strong in your own convictions. The two are not mutually exclusive! It is possible to hear the other side out, while sticking to your guns, so to speak. It is also not a weakness to change your opinion, or modify it in light of new information. I have done that over my journey too…

However, that said, I do also feel that certain issues are more ethically and morally salient than others, and therefore, must be more strongly debated. Yes, some issues cannot simply be written off as “Let’s agree to disagree”. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to make an arch enemy out of your friends, family, classmates, coworkers, etc… who hold the opposing view, but I’m talking on a societal level and a policy-making level. It is true one cannot easily “legislate morality”, but our laws reflect the moral code we embrace as a society. Not stealing. Not murdering. Not cheating people. Yes, I also realize there is a fine line between “public safety” and “nanny state”. We do need autonomy and individual choice in society as well. Society serves us, and while we must work together to keep it running smoothly, we’re not its slaves. However, without morality, there is social anarchy. As for the things we really can’t legislate per se, our de facto rules and attitudes in society can do just as much or even more harm than what is written into our laws and policies. After all, society really doesn’t change until we agree it should, no matter what any law says.

If you were to ask me about one area I’d advocate taking a more firm stance on in terms of fighting harder to get my way, I’d say it would be in matters of safety and risk of lasting harm. It’s one thing to argue the subtle nuances of fairness, what’s fair or not, and that’s important too. But there is more moral wiggle room. When policies and attitudes harm people, a clear line is drawn. We’ve all heard the phrase “Your rights end where another’s begins…” 🙂 When real harm is done, physically, and yes, emotionally in certain cases, or real danger is present, then yes, the debate just got more high stakes. So to me at least, while I can and will listen openly to other arguments for why something may not be so high stakes and such a big deal, I will speak out to stop policies and ideologies that are doing real and lasting harm. It’s not just “a matter of opinion” when:

Illegals and refugees are bringing in crime and 3rd world values of oppression and inequality and case after case of murder victims murdered by an illegal.

Biological men can go into a bathroom or locker room with women and girls under the guise of being transgender putting them at risk for sexual assaults.

Children aren’t safe in school from the thugs bused in from the rough neighborhoods to support some social agenda or when no one is safe in their once safe neighborhood due to policies bringing in thugs and a culture of crime.

A generation is raised in broken families, where live in boyfriend replaced dad, and mom resents the kids from her marriage with her ex. Where children are now primed for an increased chance of mental illness, depression, and risky behaviors.

Parents feel entitled to make decisions “consequence free” that will do deep and lasting harm to their children emotionally, scarring them for life for the sake of an adult’s convenience or happiness, over a child’s need for stability and love.

A society where young women are told that they need to be promiscuous to be empowered, risking STD’s, sexual assault, and a damaged self-image/esteem leading to vulnerability and abuse.

The attitude of it’s “blaming the victim” to tell young women how to empower themselves to decrease their risk for assault creates a false sense of security and opens them up to fall right into the predator’s trap.

The men in our lives can be accused and have their lives destroyed on a whim by #MeToo witch hunts with no other evidence than a Y chromosome and a stereotype.

Our country is defended by a weaker less able military in the name of “gender equality”.

A human life is considered an inconvenience easily disposed of and honoring its human rights is a “choice”.

Anti-Gun policies enable the mass shooter bent on destruction of human life to come in to your child’s school and shoot without hindrance or the shooter at the movie theater, or the mall, at work, or anywhere you go since no one is armed but him!

Terrorism reins free here and abroad, creating a world of distrust, suspicion, and obviously, lost lives and property. A world where going for a vacation is your last choice on this Earth, going to work and never coming home, going on a trip to see a beautiful attraction in a country just like our own is now too dangerous, a car veering off the road is more than just an accident, an unknown package requires the bomb squad, etc… etc…

A country that turns a blind eye to crime rates by demographic, calls for abolishing border protection, schools that cover up instances of sexual assault due to transgender policies from the parents of the victims, news reports that don’t give the description of a wanted suspect due to race or other minority status etc… etc…

Science and academia is suppressed from publishing research studies that conflict with the party line that would help people suffering and provide better solutions to many social issues.

A country where starving citizens, homeless veterans, needy children and families, hardworking people who just need that extra leg up, are brushed aside for outsiders or fellow citizens able to support themselves coming to take our resources for themselves without giving back. The detrimental effects are real: Homelessness, hunger, poor health, etc…

The media reports false information to support an agenda that takes our focus off the real dangers to look out for and be aware of.

And so many others. These are all tangible dangers that affect our society greatly, due to societal attitudes and policies. Our policies enable these injustices to go on and endanger ourselves, our family, our friends and our fellow citizens. So do our de facto attitudes that pressure people to turn a blind eye and just shut up. Well, someone has to speak up, and it needs to be all of us together. Someone to advocate for our families, our communities, our country. Someone to say, NO, it’s NOT up for debate when people’s lives are literally on the line. Someone to say that a person’s right to safety and freedom from harm matters more than any agenda or social experiment. Someone who is brave enough to say:

The safety of our families, communities, and country is NOT “a matter of opinion”!!!

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A PSA to The Left: You Don’t Have to Like Trump, Just Don’t Go Nuts…

Dear Liberals,

It’s me again… Another conservative out of many in this country. I’ve seen the way you’ve handled losing the 2016 election: With uncontrollable outrage and vitriol that hasn’t died down since the second you found out he got in. I’m impressed, honestly! I thought your tantrum would be old news and you would have simmered down within a month or so, but no! Two years and counting and coming up on the next election and all I can hear is “Racist!”, “Sexist!”, “Fascist!” etc… and of course, your favorite new slogan, “Impeach!!!” 

Now you say Trump deserves it, Trump is special, he’s done so much harm… And in light of any substantial evidence, I too want my president and other authority figures held accountable for their actions. However, I fail to see any substantial evidence he has done something gravely wrong enough to impeach him for! Some locker room talk? You better shun every male friend and relative if you hold to the idea that no decent man ever bantered some off color comments with the boys in private! His ex wives and personal flings? Oh, yeah, because Trump is the first politician or rich celebrity to ever think of not being the perfect little angel! Shall we bring up the laundry list of politicians on the Left who have done wrong in their personal lives? Bill anyone? 😉 More importantly, how does that affect him carrying out his duties at President of The United States? We can argue Trump and other politicians too aren’t the greatest family men. Not 100% moral blemish free. Yes, some things can make me lose some measure of respect for people in their personal lives over flings and affairs. However, what really matters to me, what will affect me and the rest of the country is if the person in office honors his role in office and carries out all their duties they swore to do.

I know some of the more intricate political controversies over Trump have been extensively covered, and thus won’t go in to too much depth over what would require its own separate post! However, I will say that in light of the recent news about Muller’s report being released, the whole Russian collusion allegation concluded predictably 😉 Not much to see here, folks! In addition, countless other allegations have been brought up, then when proven false, silently gone out in the news cycle by Left leaning media, to be replaced with others, in what appears to be an attempt at grasping at straws.

If you were to ask me personally, and probably other conservatives too why they voted Trump, reasons given would be one, he’s making real change for the better. Our country was not in good shape, a bad economy, cheated in foreign policies, terrorism running rampant among others. The way we’ve been going under the past 8 years before hasn’t been working out… Nothing was being changed. We needed a new strategy, new ideas, and Trump had them. Knowing business from his past career, he knows how to negotiate, how to compromise, and also when to hold firm, like in his recent summit with North Korea. He knows the economy, and has improve it greatly. My family, as a few are self employed or commissioned, have not seen as much job opportunities in years until Trump got in. Just recently, he pushed back ISIS and about wiped them out. He made better deals with other nations to ensure we be treated fairly. He’s standing up for our national security and protecting our borders and our resources. He’s given people a second chance even as part of the so called “tough on crime” party… Is Trump the most diplomatic? Not really… I will admit many of his tweets can be quite frank and pointed! But sometimes, the smooth talker isn’t always the best leader despite that polished appearance. Sometimes, you need to call a spade a spade even if it’s not flattering and hard to hear. I challenge you to find one conservative who’s not “alt-right” in some fringe extremist group, to say they voted Trump because they want to subjugate women and set back race relations 100 years… As for the assertions Trump is sexist or racist, I only ask, have you known him for being such things before he ran for office?

However, all this said, wait for it…. You have the right not to like Trump. Yes, I am accepting of others forming their own opinions on Trump or any other candidate. I don’t feel like people must be required to drool over Trump’s feet more than any other politician. Trump should be open to fair criticism and intense scrutiny as any other president should be. Not all of Trump’s ideas will fall through to the fullest extent. He can’t do it all more than any other man. But then again, name one president who fulfilled 100% of his campaign promises! If you feel Trump isn’t up to your standards, fine. Fine by me. The entire country doesn’t have to like whatever current president is in office or else there wouldn’t be a need to vote! 😉 If you feel the evidence is not sufficient enough to vote Trump in 2020, that’s your right in a democracy.

Here’s my problem though: Going absolutely insane over not liking Trump! See, not voting for Trump and threatening those who do are in two radically different ball parks! Saying Trump should be treated like a man, not a demi-god above the law is fair. What isn’t fair is spewing vitriolic allegations without actual proof, and doctoring “evidence” to suit your conclusions! Calling a man a “rapist”, a “racist”, a “fascist” demands heavy proof as those are very ugly accusations not to take lightly. Investigating voting fraud and cheating such as collusion with foreign powers if suspected is one thing, but keeping up the charade for two years going no where with any proof to actually impeach reflects far more on you than him. Coming up with wild conspiracy theories and failing to accept that maybe, just maybe, it was possible the nation voted him in like any other president in US history… Why is it so hard to just accept you didn’t get your way for once? How is he so radically different from any other past president you didn’t vote for? Other conservative presidents?

Know what I think? Your insane vitriol over Trump has actually drove me to like him more and has convinced me to vote him in in 2020. Believe it or not, in 2016 I wasn’t sure of Trump either. I voted for a 3rd party. I had reservations about his ability to lead this country and saw him more as the superficial celebrity. However, seeing what he accomplished in office proved himself to me. See? I can change my mind based on actual evidence! The other major factor too as mentioned, was seeing the absolute meltdown over him where he and anyone who did vote for him were branded “deplorable” and immoral people… Threats, violence, ostracism, etc…etc… all from the Left to try to drive us into silence over our current president has only further convinced me not to vote for your party! Before politics became a bigger part of my identity overall, if people reacted with such vitriol towards Obama, there is a good chance I might have voted for him in 2012! Not because I was a huge Obama fan at all, (I’m certainly not now!) but because any party who would react with such insanity and utter immaturity is not one I respect nor would take seriously to run my country. What pushed me away from the Left, other than strictly policy-wise, is indeed this outlandish behavior and lack of decorum!

By all means don’t vote for Trump if you feel he’s not up for the job. Just don’t go into a paroxysm of late stage TDS and foam at the mouth at the mere mention of Trump. Criticize Trump just like any other politician, but be big enough to admit when he does something right. Hold Trump accountable for his actions, but also defend him when he is being unfairly accused. Realize he will make mistakes, he won’t be able to fulfill all his campaign promises, but also realize that no other president was mistake free or achieved 100% of his goals. Donald Trump is human too, and he deserves to be allowed an honest mistake or an un-reached goal like any other president and human being. I’d love to talk more in detail over why the Left believes as it does about Trump, but thus far, I cant find any who are willing to talk in a clear headed rational manner without throwing ad-hominems at Trump supporters like me, or Trump…

So in summary, you don’t have to like Trump to make me listen to you. You don’t have to be in love with how he handles his presidency. I wasn’t with Obama the past 8 years he was in office. However, I never spewed vitriol, threatened, harassed and ostracized those who did like Obama. Nor did I believe every unsubstantiated conspiracy theory people brought up, blinded by my hatred. I can admit it if Obama did anything good for the country as well as see his flaws. I never screamed “Impeach!!!” just because I didn’t get my way for a few years. Put it in perspective: Trump is not dictator for life! You will get your way eventually, and we will again too. That’s just how a fair democracy works. No one gets their way all the time! I learned that in preschool. So Dear Liberals, you didn’t lose my vote or my respect because you don’t like Trump. You lost it when you lost your decorum, civility and outright moral conduct over not getting your way…

(PS. I know my tone is harsh in this letter, but consider how harsh you sound if you imagine all you say about us and Trump, only replacing us with you, and Trump with your candidate! I also note that if you want to be addressed in a more gentle manner, please extend the courtesy to us also in the future 😉 …)

— A Lady of Reason

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