The (New) Modern Woman…

The image of the “modern woman” has pervaded since the rise of all waves of feminism. She may be different depending on the era, the woman who could vote, the woman who could work, the woman who could wear pants, get dirty, own property, choose her husband, plan her family or chose not to have one, think for herself, be heard in the world, have a voice in society, etc..etc… The modern woman was one who could look to a bright future for herself, on her own terms. It’s a vision that all women like to think of themselves being able to be. However, like most idealistic visions, the reality often falls short. Am I saying that the “modern woman” ideal is necessarily bad, in the qualities listed above? No, not really. I want women to have autonomy, to get to choose her life choices, to decide who she deems worthy of marriage, to think for herself and be heard in the world, yes, all of those are not things I’m against. The problem arises though when this vision goes to extremes and becomes radicalized. The “modern woman” of today is not what our grandmothers and great grandmothers who fought for the vote pictured in their youth!!!

The “modern woman” of today is one who embraces vulgarity, loudness, and vitriol over the strength that comes from valid ideas and the feminine softness of ladies past. She is one who embraces sexual anarchy rather than sexual freedom through promiscuity and immodesty rather than tempered choices. She is one who will flaunt that sleazy vulgarity through “pussy hats”, dressing like vaginas, smearing fake blood to mimic menstruation as “girl power”, and shun all aspects of traditional femininity. To her, sex is a handshake not a milestone. A child is a burden personally and professionally to be cast aside and neglected emotionally, mentally, even physically lest it get in her way of being the “modern woman”. Motherhood is enslaving, not her highest calling as a woman. A man is the enemy, a hindrance and source of all oppression just waiting to force her back in the kitchen! Divorce is normal for the empowered woman, and marriage is merely dating 2.0. The honor and privilege of being a wife is now erased through terms like “Ms.”. Feminine dress is seen as enslaving and dis-empowering, as she must mimic a man in all aspects of her life to feel worth something as a person. She must have a career like a man does, earn like he does, dress like he does, think like he does, even talk like he does to feel worthy and empowered. A man in all but name! She must talk back, never compromise or acquiesce to her husband or father’s wishes, even partially least she be oppressed by the patriarchy! Protest male only spaces while entitled to women only spaces. Hate standards of beauty, decry make-up, bras, nail polish, beauty products, as part of the “patriarchy”. Mistakes bossiness and pushiness for healthy assertiveness and confidence. Sees perversion, injustice and oppression in girls being girls and embracing girl things such as dolls, dresses, fairy tales etc… Be the perpetual victim, damsel in distress when it suits them such as the #MeToo card, etc… etc…

That said, many reasonable women who decry the hypocrisy, inherent sexism, condescension, and vitriol of the radical feminist movement would think the notion of the “modern woman” must be thrown out! However I propose the idea can be reclaimed for the positive. There is a way, I feel to reach a healthy middle ground in this desire for more equality, while also embracing traditional feminine virtues and our womanhood as is, not feminist imposed pseudo-manhood! I propose a vision where we can be ladies of elegance and grace, like our grandmothers, while also embracing some positive aspects of the desire for increased autonomy and independence for women of today. Being a lady does not mean you have to be stuck in 1918 in 2018 😉 For example:

• The modern woman can make her own choices, but chooses them because she should, not merely because she can!
• The modern woman uses her freedom to enhance her life, not spite others, such as doing something specifically to “spite the patriarchy”…
• The modern woman has sexual freedom, but not sexual anarchy! She knows with freedom comes responsibility, and embracing hook up culture only leads to danger, unhappiness, STD’s, unwanted pregnancy, etc…etc…
• The modern woman chooses her partner freely, without being coerced or forced by her father, but honors and cherishes the man she chooses and respects his wishes…
• The modern woman can embrace a marriage of equals in dignity and worth, with separate but complimentary roles…
• The modern woman can give her heart and her person to one man in marriage, till death do you part, be “one flesh” with him and give yourself to him without being his “property”, as he ought to do the same for you. She knows that she is forever his, and he is forever hers… She embraces the title of wife (“Mrs.”) as an honor, not a slave-name!
• The modern woman is not “dependent” on a man, but leans on him, looks to him in times of hardship and vulnerability for him to be her rock and protector, with the knowledge she does so freely and that she will be his rock in his time of need. She knows she can share her sorrows and joys with him, without being “dependent” and “weak”…
• The modern woman listens to the wise counsel and guidance of her father in her younger years and as a budding woman, so that she will not be lead astray by bad people and tricked by her own naivety to the world, without feeling her father owns her and micromanages her life! She lets him give her away at the alter, in the spirit of transferring the role of his love and support to her new husband, who when he passes, will be her rock as he once was. Not in the sense it is a literal transfer of property anymore!
• The modern woman can be a leader without leading the same way a man might go about it. She realizes that the strongest people can be the most soft spoken and gentle in nature but rise to every challenge…
• The modern woman can embrace traditional feminine dress and styles, and live her life unhindered by that choice without the pressure to wear pants just because a man does! Her worth comes from inside her, not what’s covering her legs!
• The modern woman can be the keeper of the home, nurturer of the family, and be worth more than anything to her family and to a wholesome society of intact families raised in love and devotion.
• The modern woman can have a career, but values the title of M.O.M. or M.R.S. over any degree or credential or title she might earn!
• The modern woman can speak her mind and use her voice for the betterment of her society, but does so through facts, logic and reason, not vitriol, shouting and ad-hominem attacks!
• The modern woman defends the wronged, not as a man should through physical strength, but in her own special way, through using her voice as a woman to advocate for wrongly accused men for example in this #MeToo hysteria, or the neglected and devalued child by the ideology of radical feminism as another…
• The modern woman can think in a deep intellectual manner, but not forget her manners as a lady in her conduct and get heated and spew vitriol at the opposition!
• The modern woman knows assertiveness and confidence is NOT snapping orders and domineering over others, rather the persistent, quiet and reasoned assertiveness and knowledge of her skills and her worth…
• The modern woman is responsible for her actions, and accepts the consequences with grace and understanding, not crying victim, and blaming everyone but herself for her own transgressions.
• The modern woman is not a victim, but empowered to stand her ground in the face of injustice and unethical coercion. She has the power to choose integrity over the superficial rewards coercion has to offer her.
• The modern woman has a voice to be heard, but conveys her ideas with elegance and grace as a lady, not a “Nasty Woman”…
• The modern woman can be a true lady, one of elegance, refinement and grace as her fore-mothers did before her, while also embracing the modern freedoms women can have….

Overall, the “modern woman” of reason, is a lady in spirit and character, while taking the best female empowerment has to offer such as increased autonomy and independence. She is bright, driven, a victor, not a victim, a leader, a nurturer, a devoted partner, a dutiful daughter, a loving mother, a person of integrity and accountability, a deep independent thinker, a person of refinement, has strength in her quietness, embraces her traditional femininity and is above all, a LADY!

A “Matriarchy” is NOT what I have in mind for empowering women!