Ladies, Be Empowered!

This is addressed to my fellow women out there. I’ve covered much of the flaws of feminist thinking, especially along #MeToo lines in sexual assault prevention, which is basically zero. I’ve also covered in several articles my argument for more personal accountability to lessen one’s risks of assault as well as holding the perpetrator accountable too. Look, I know this topic isn’t all that pleasant, and very serious, but it must be addressed head on. I agree with the Left that misconceptions are a roadblock to empowering women to fight back against sexual assault, but I argue that it is in fact their side, that is fostering dangerous misconceptions about sexual assault.

Their basic premise is that too often, we shift the blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator and even go so far as to say we created a “rape culture” where rape is not only tolerated, but thought of as a man’s “right”. They say that the only thing that causes rape is the rapist, and nothing else. Therefore, one cannot talk about how alcohol or drugs play a role. Nor other poor risky choices such as becoming isolated or suggestive behavior/dress. Now, I will say that they are correct that one does indeed, need a rapist, to commit rape. Alcohol, sexy clothes, drugs, partying, does not literally cause a rape to happen, just as gun violence can only happen if someone pulls the trigger. However, the above factors do indeed create an increased risk of victimization, and are correlated with incidents of sexual assault.

Rapists are going to rape no matter what, because if you are at the point where you feel entitled to rape someone, you don’t care one bit about how it will impact your victim. You may not even care what they are wearing either, as many argue rape is more about power than sexuality. However, barring any empathy for your victim, you still have to choose one! So, which girl, if you would put yourself in the mindset of a callous rapist, but doesn’t want to get caught, would you choose? The girl who’s sober, more modestly dressed surrounded by 5 other girlfriends, (a.k.a. witnesses) at the party, or the one who’s almost blackout drunk, isolated, and in suggestive clothing that can be used as an excuse later in court in your favor? Who do you think would be noticed more if missing? Who do you think would put up less of a fight?

Now, does either girl deserve to get raped? Absolutely not! No one ever “deserves” rape, and nothing ever “justifies” rape. However, the cold, hard ugly truth of the matter is, one girl is more at risk than the other to be chosen as the next victim. Rapists will indeed rape no matter what whenever they find the chance, but it’s on us, ladies, to make sure he has the least amount of chances possible to target us. Causation for increasing your risk is not justification for the crime! Is it fair that we must go out of our way to look out for creeps? NO! But that’s reality. We shouldn’t need to watch out for each other at parties, or a girls’ night out. We shouldn’t have to worry about trusting the guy to take us home safely. Or buy us that drink and worry if he drugged it. We should be able to dress as sexy as we want without any unwanted advances. However, what we should be able to do and what we are able to do without putting ourselves more at risk aren’t identical.

And yes, sometimes, rape will happen when we do everything right to lessen our chances. Rapists will rape, we get it… But isn’t that true for any crime? A burglar can still smash in your window even when you lock your door every night, but does that mean you shouldn’t bother to lock your doors? We talk about more emphasis on teaching boys not to rape and assault women, instead of teaching girls how to empower themselves and lessen their risks in the logic that the solution is solely on telling men not to rape.

However, look at it this way: We teach our children not to steal, yet there are still thieves. Should the solution for burglary be simply to teach people to not steal and call any attempt at advising people to lock their doors or hide their valuables victim blaming? After all, no one has the right to steal your stuff no matter where you leave it! Similarly, there are still rapists despite teaching boys not to rape. The crime is not going away in both cases sadly. So what are we to do? Just sit around on our hands and complain about the obvious injustice, or do something to protect ourselves from becoming a victim, even if it means making inconvenient and yes, unfair, lifestyle adjustments?

Ladies, we need to live in the world as it is, not live in the world that we want it to be. Even if that world demands a “sexist” or un-PC answer to lessening our risk. We ARE judged by how we dress, whether we like it or not. Wearing sexy, provocative clothing, while never justifying any unwanted advances, sends off the signal that you want a consensual interaction and if the wrong guy who’s a complete callous jerk feels you “led him on”, yes, some will cross that line into assault. It’s ugly and unfair, wildly unfair and unjust, but ladies, this is the reality we live in. It’s not about simple morality, or saying that the girl in the sexy dress is morally “lesser” or “bad” and deserves assault, but it is about the fact that as unfair as it is, you ARE judged by how you choose to present yourself, and a real rapist can use it as an excuse in his sick twisted mind to justify harming you.

Drinking until you’re black out drunk, going off alone with a strange guy at the party, taking a drink that could be roofied easily etc… increases your chances of victimization and puts you in a vulnerable position. No, alcohol doesn’t cause rape to happen, but it does increase your risk the rapist will target you because you can’t physically resist or even say “no”. Going off alone with no witnesses and no one to step in to protect you is the perfect way to be victimized. Is this fair? Is it fair that women need to be careful instead of just being carefree when out for the night? Of course not! But as said before, this is the cold hard reality of the world we live in.

Saying all this is bound to draw the ire of many screaming “victim blaming!”, but this is no more victim blaming than suggesting one lock their doors or hide valuables to lessen chances of a burglary. Rapes can happen even after every base is covered. But so can burglaries. So can any crime. NO set of precautions has a 100% guarantee or covers every situation. That however, doesn’t mean we don’t take those precautions. Yes, the rapist could be someone you know and trust. Yes it can happen elsewhere than parties. Yes, more subtle coercion could be involved. Yes, I know all those things! That however does not belittle the merits of precautions against rapes that do happen with strangers, or in parties for instance. You may not be able to avoid one scenario, but does that mean “Why bother learning how to avoid the other”? Sure, the burglar can just smash in my window, but he sure won’t come through my door if I can help it! 😉

Ladies, it’s also not black and white. I’m not saying you can never party, you can never go out, you can never wear that “cute little number” to the club on girls’ night, you can never have a drink or hang out with a guy. We don’t have to dress like nuns and never leave our homes! All I’m proposing is to be aware. Awareness is half the battle, and with a good dose of awareness and common sense, you can have that night out of fun and be as safe as you can. Empowerment is liberating, not constraining. The awareness to know what the risk factors are, and how to avoid them is liberating, as you can live your life, just be aware and vigilant. When we drive, we learn the rules of the road. When we choose where to live, we look into crime rates. We have fire drills. We have emergency drills. We look over our shoulder in that sketchy area. We hide our valuables. We do all these things AND live a normal life full of excitement and fun. Can we do everything we want, (drink to excess, dress like we’re turning tricks, go off with every guy in the bar etc… etc..)? No. But in moderation, and with awareness of the risks, we can weigh our chances and act accordingly.

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My Womanhood is NOT Your Costume…

Transgenderism is a hot and contentious topic for the Left, with many angles at play! The part I want to focus on in all this lunacy though, is on the premise the Left has put out in that since gender is a mere social construct, it justifies the legitimacy of recognizing transgender people, especially women, as being entitled to be treated as if they were actual biological women (or men, but I’ll focus on women for the scope of this article)! Their argument is that gender is a social construct, something society raises you to be, rather than an innate quality. They further add the confusion that the undeniable biological aspect is now written off as its own separate thing as one’s “sex”, but “gender” is the purely social aspect, such as wearing certain clothing, or liking certain things over others. In essence, it really comes down to a nature vs. nurture debate, and how fluid these concepts really are.

Now, I will say up front, I don’t think that many people who label themselves transgender are being insincere or that they just want to be say, a woman on a superficial whim. I think many truly do feel they were born in the wrong body, and have sympathy for how much that must hurt and how utterly confusing that must be. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! However, society deciding that this is normal for a person to feel about themselves is absurd, not just a normal biological variation! I also argue that the idea of “gender as a social construct” brings with it many detrimental and frankly insulting implications that many take for granted and completely overlook!

First off though, what are we really saying when we say that? It’s not just a neutral statement of a proposed fact. No! It’s the logical flaw that by implying it’s not a natural trait, and it’s not innate, it doesn’t matter at all. The real idea behind this is that gender should be obsolete, and because it’s not something we consider natural anymore, it’s completely outdated and irrelevant! What we really mean by “gender is a social construct” is that “gender is something artificially imposed and needs to be gotten rid of”.  That statement is loaded, and carries a very heavy value judgement! If it were natural, in Left’s mind, they couldn’t undermine and de-legitimize it as easily..

But, you know what also is a “social construct”? Race! That’s right, the Left now says race too is not grounded in biology, but in society’s whims! However, can we be trans-racial??? Heck no! Just ask that woman who was ousted for being biologically white, but identified as black! If a white person tries to do so, they are automatically being racist, and appropriating someone’s race! One may argue, “but racial differences are very obvious, so you’d know someone cannot be another race…” but don’t men and women look different? And not just clothes, make up and hair! Men grow beards, women don’t. Men’s bodies are bigger, stockier, stronger, differently shaped. Not to mention what’s down below! 😉 Humans after all, are a sexually dimorphic species! The argument against racial appropriation by the Left, that especially if white, you can’t just wear say, a black person’s styles, appropriate their music, their traditions, their food, their heritage and claim you’re one of them, is based on the idea that you haven’t been through their struggles. You want the “fun” aspects of being them, but you haven’t faced their hardships. Haven’t faced their struggles, their obstacles, and to add insult to injury, you’re part of why they have those struggles. Yet, you want to claim their unique heritage as your own??? The nerve!

Well, guess what? This should apply to gender too! If what the Left says is true, about women being disadvantaged, then what gives a man the right to appropriate what belongs to women? If women are living in fear of being assaulted by men, raped by men, paid less than men, devalued as lesser, then why on Earth should a man get to appropriate their unique heritage, in other words, as women? If it is true, as many Leftists believe, that men have male privilege, just like whites have white privilege, then isn’t it privilege to be able to just pick and choose to express one’s self as the female gender but have the option of going back to being a man when convenient? It’s just like a white person wearing blackface! They can take off the color at the end of the day. A person of color has to live with it, and the stigma it allegedly brings. Well same for gender! A guy can take off the dress, the heels, the make up, shave his head again. A woman, however, cannot just transform into a man and all her troubles will go away! She cannot take off her “costume” so she won’t be assaulted, raped, paid less, devalued. She has to live with the struggles too, not just the perks. The man in the dress can punch the attacker, throw off the rapist, while she is helpless to throw off someone twice her strength! Even if he decides to never live as a man again, he still can get the upper hand with his physically stronger body! Also, in line with the Left’s concept of privilege, isn’t it a form of privilege to be able to just throw away your privilege??? A man choosing to be a woman gives up his “male privilege” and swapping it for vulnerability and scorn. However, as “oppressed” as he then makes himself, he chose to take on that. A real woman didn’t. She was born with the fact she would have far greater chances of being assaulted, raped, devalued. She does not have the luxury to throw away privilege wantonly, nor gain it by becoming a man!

No. It’s NOT a two way street. Transgender men are not just “one of the guys”. They do not have extra “privilege”. However, a transgender woman now must be treated as a full woman by Leftist decree! Even if he genuinely feels like he wants to live his life as a woman and never go back, he can. That’s the thing. And that he had the choice to give up his “privilege” of being a man in the Left’s allegedly “patriarchal” society. Real women never have those luxuries. Just like a white person can impersonate, and maybe even genuinely feel like a black person, but has the choice to go back to being white and on top, to take off the “costume”. If a guy wanting to be a girl wants to wear the pretty dresses, the heels, curl his hair, go to the girl’s nights as one of the girls, hang at the mall, do all the fun things women like to do, he should also have had to face her struggles. To be afraid to walk alone at night. To carry pepper spray. To know the fear of being harassed on the street. To be held back on the job. Underestimated, viewed as weak, a victim. Why should someone get to reap in the rewards, without having to go through the struggles? Do I believe the world is really so bleak for women? Not as much as the Left certainly does! But by the Left’s own logic and views on women being oppressed, this is a logical argument…

Also, and less obvious, is a quite insulting implication inherent in this argument: That womanhood, as a social construct, is merely just a superficial costume that anyone can put on… The idea that all womanhood really is, is putting on a dress and heels and make up, styling your hair, and doing “girly things”. As long as you do those, you’re a woman! However, I and many other women would disagree! There’s so much more than superficial looks or going through the motions involved in the intangible parts of womanhood.  The sisterhood all women share together in their deep experiences, and very natures runs far deeper than our make up, our heels, or dresses and hair. Liking shopping and fashion and traditional womanly things is not all there is to our very essence, our unique humanity as women. See, also like one’s race, one’s sex does indeed affect how you perceive the world, and how the world perceives you. Women do not have the same upbringing, the same experiences as men, not because there’s a mass conspiracy that half of humanity wants to oppress us, but because of the simple fact we are NOT men!

Our trillion or so cells speak the plain and simple truth: we are different in our very core. Study after study shows girls consistently play in a more nurturing way than boys. We evolved to nurture, to be more gentle, to be social. We evolved to be the child bearers, and experience the wonders of motherhood, which no man will ever experience. Even the Left acknowledges this in its anti-man “you can never have an opinion on women’s issues because you aren’t a woman!”. See? Even they know, deep down men and women are innately different! That our experiences differ. Our challenges differ. Our womanhood runs far deeper than any costume, any “social construct”, yet, the Left argues implicitly in the idea that a man can put on a dress, heels, inject some hormones, that he can be a woman through superficial behaviors alone, that womanhood is just an actor’s role to play and our feminine style a mere “costume” that can be taken on and off. Oh, and by the way, doesn’t the use of hormones help point to our biological differences too??? 😉  One can’t say hormones our bodies we’re genetically programmed to release upon puberty that make us different are a “social construct”!

Ladies, we are NOT just a costume that anyone can just put on and pretend to be! Our womanhood, our shared experiences, our challenges, the deep bond rooted in womanhood we share with our mothers from day 1 cannot be replicated in someone who is biologically, and socially, raised as a man! Even those who were raised to be men from infancy, but were biological women always felt “different” and not like just another “guy”… Same for girls who were guys inside… To say that womanhood is something anyone can be on a whim, on a feeling, is gravely belittling and insulting to women everywhere! It’s like a woman saying she can just experience every aspect of manhood, without his struggles, his upbringing, his innate nature.

Yes, I know people literally feel they were born in the wrong body, a woman’s soul/mind in a man’s body, but if you were raised as a man, are biologically a man, then no you can’t truly feel like a true woman, know what it is to be one, anymore than one can truly, intrinsically perceive the world like someone who’s a native speaker of a language can versus someone who happens to speak it fluently but was not raised from day 1, in the culture of the speaker! Yes, you can learn a language quite well, but you can never truly perceive the world and be a native speaker within their cultural matrix and have their exact perception of the world though their native tongue. That’s my analogy for experiencing the opposite sex’s world… You can play the part well, but you cannot truly be the real deal unless you are!

Look, I don’t demonize transgender people for wanting to be the other sex. What I do heavily criticize though, is the idea that they can be the exact same, and be entitled to the exact same treatment as a real woman in this case, because they never truly can be. And they know that themselves! Indeed! No matter how much they “transition”, they know in their heart of hearts they are not a woman in the same way as real biological women! They can come mighty close, even look like a woman, sound like one, like in the case of Jazz Jennings, maybe you can’t even tell just by looking. But do you honestly feel “women” like “her” truly, honestly, and 100% believe they are indeed women in every single sense of the word??? I’m not out to say she needs to switch back, or she’s out to hurt anyone personally. She’s probably just trying to genuinely live out “her” life as a woman.

However, she and the others set a precedent where society devalues our essence, our very humanity as women that only a real, biological woman can ever truly know. The inherent sexism in the idea that men can just be women upon their choice devalues our womanhood into a superficial acting job! If a person’s race is not your costume, a person’s culture is not your costume, why should a person’s gender or sex be someone else’s to appropriate? This is heresy for the Left to say, but I will say it loud and clear guys, : My womanhood is NOT your costume! 

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Saving Yourself for Marriage: It’s Not Just for the Ladies…

I advocate for waiting until marriage to have sex and practicing abstinence as it is about the only 100% effective birth control 😉 The dangers of promiscuity are rife, and include STD’s unwanted pregnancies and not to mention, a damaged reputation! Sleeping around has real and lasting consequences. It’s not just theoretical fluff made to scare you in middle school health class! From seedy people, to getting into a mess of who gave whom that nasty rash, to “who’s its daddy?”, the dangers of promiscuous sex are rife! It makes sense that sex has been linked to morality throughout history, as the consequences are steep if not done carefully and with great consideration of who you choose and when you choose to. However, a large criticism of the topic of the heavy risks of promiscuity is that it’s mainly, unfairly that is, geared towards women but not men. The feminists say that men get a free pass often times, and can be “players” and use promiscuity as a status symbol, while women are expected to reign in her sexuality and not be promiscuous like men can. While there is truth in this allegation, I argued before that women should be more guarded and cautious about their sexual appetite as women do in fact, have a lot more to lose such as an unwanted pregnancy! Never the less, my main point now is, it’s not just the ladies who need to be careful and avoid promiscuity!

Yes, men face less risks that women do in regards to unbridled sex. Less stigma, danger of meeting the wrong people who could hurt them, and no unwanted pregnancy! However guys, the coin has two sides 😉 You can get a girl pregnant and have to pay child support for the next 18 years! She can say you’re the dad and smear your reputation along with hers. You may avoid being raped forcibly or beaten up by a bad guy, but beware the wrath of an angry father who thinks you corrupted “his little girl”! STD’s don’t discriminate between sexes at all. She has it, you got it! Being a “player” may sound cool to your buddies, but no respectable girl worthy of a stable marriage and family life will want to marry a guy who plays around! To get a lady, you must be a gentleman. Players attract cheap girls who will do it with anyone, not suitable wives and mothers of your future children! The “fun gal” wears off by the next morning. Better to wait for your forever wife 🙂

If none of this persuades you, consider the immense legal risks of playing the field with every girl you see! Let’s say you’re in college… You go to a party, want to have a little fun tonight, meet some hot girls. Ooh! That girl across the room is a 10! Your buddies encourage you to make a move. She likes you, and pretty soon, we all know where this is going next… Fast forward to the next morning. She’s gone. You get an angry text from your parents. What’s going on? Turns out her parents contacted yours and threatened to press charges in court for statutory rape! What??? But how? She basically jumped on me! Turns out she wasn’t 18 yet. She was the 16 year old sister on the college tour staying for the weekend with her older sister in college. But, she looks like she’s 20! She didn’t act like she was only 16 years old… She sounded like a fellow college girl! But here you are, facing potential charges in court for statutory rape because her daddy thinks you corrupted his “sweet 16” naive, innocent little angel!

Yes guys, this scenario plays out all the time! You could be the guy who would never dream of taking advantage of an underage girl, but easily mistake a well developed and mature sounding 16 year old for an 18 year old! I mean, honestly, let’s all take off our PC hats and say it out right: 16 and 18 are NOT that different! Two years. That’s all it can be between consensual sex and a criminal act with the law set at that arbitrary number. Even 17 a few months shy of 18 is still considered a minor, incapable of consent! And yes, girls do lie…. Take this example! Is this fair? Not really when you think of it. Are honest, moral guys just looking for a good time with an appropriately aged consenting partner supposed to demand ID now? How can you ever be 100% sure that young lady is of age or that other girl isn’t! Looks CAN be deceiving. I personally looked younger than my real age, so a guy could have passed me up at 18 but taken the other 16 year old who looked like she was 20! (Thankfully, I was raised to be wiser than to ever be in such a scenario!)

The only 100% “safe” solution is to A: Never choose young looking women as sex partners and only stick to those over 30… (Yes, many older teenagers, 16,17, even 15 in some cases look like they’re in their 20’s) or B: Don’t be a player and want to score every girl you don’t even know and only choose a well known intimate partner who has no secrets from you, a.k.a. a girlfriend or preferably wife! If you play around, it can be like Russian roulette, not only for unwanted pregnancies you have to pay for, angry fathers, STD’s, and decent women not wanting to come within a mile of you, but you could end up in jail, and on a sex offender registry. Trust me. That will ruin your life. Period! NO ONE wants to live near or hire an alleged “sex offender”! Oh, and last point on this topic, even with a steady girlfriend it can be statutory rape!  It happened to a 19 year old who dated a girl only 2 or 3 years younger! Wait until you meet a girl, get to know her and tie the knot!

And another major point and for men of every age! #MeToo hysteria. If you sleep around, it may haunt you even decades later if the girl wants to get back at you for something, be famous, get money or some other gain. Just look at Kavanaugh! He probably didn’t even have sex, but that didn’t stop Christine Ford from smearing him for a month or more! One word from any woman, one who regretted the foolish drunken sex you both had, wants to get out of her daddy being mad at her for getting pregnant even though she freely consented even if you’re both minors, wants to spite you on the job, anything really. Good, decent, honest boys and men who would never even think to take a woman against her will, never say lewd things, never touch her inappropriately, can be smeared in the blink of an eye! Being a private act, it’s just your word vs. hers, and in this society, hers often wins. I hate to say it, but in this society, you are a predator, and she is the victim. Doesn’t matter if you never touched her. Even were in 100 feet of her. In a society now where a little 5 year old is labeled a predator for hugging a teacher, it’s easy to see how every man is seen as a rape waiting to happen by the #MeToo crowd!

While even men who never had sex with a lot of women or were promiscuous are being smeared, not having sex with women you don’t know well even an acquaintance, lessens your risk of being framed and accused. Mike Pence, though being smeared now as misogynist for staying away from being alone with women, has an excellent point. By never putting himself in a position were a woman can say anything unsubstantiated, he drastically lessened his risk for false allegations! Being more guarded around women, and not putting yourself in potentially risky situations such as alone, behind closed doors, and of course, being intimate with women you aren’t intimately close to such as a long term steady girlfriend or wife, is not just about arbitrary morality and prudishness. It can save your butt from being thrown in the slammer 😉 A sad world I know, but this is the reality for men in the era of radical feminism, #MeToo hysteria… Nothing is ever innocent to the left!

Gentlemen: Please wait for just that perfect girl. Wait to be with your wife. Wait to be with the woman you can fully trust, be vulnerable around and still feel safe in that there isn’t a risk of her smearing you later, the woman with whom you shared all your secrets, the woman who is faithful to you alone, the woman who will spend the rest of her life with you, the one woman you want to call “wife”. Girlfriends can come and go, but a woman who honors her vows in marriage to you, and entrusts her body to you in the form of deepest intimacy is about the only truly “safe” woman to be intimate with. Don’t settle for skanks, and “good time gals”. Don’t choose instant gratification and a mountain of risks and liabilities over a lifetime of intimacy with just the perfect girl for you. True love, (and satisfaction 😉 ) waits!

And on a last, but certainly not insignificant note, is think about the girl. Think about the girl who should save herself too for just the right guy. You dally with her, and she too is deprived of giving her future husband one of her greatest gifts. You helped turn her milestone as a woman into a cheap handshake. Be the bigger man. The foolish, naive young girl who thinks a fling would be fun needs guidance, not instant gratification for her curiosity! A real man tells her “no” and that she’s worth more than to give herself away to any guy who asks! Treat her like how you would want your daughter to be treated by a gentleman! A real man waits for a woman ready to give herself to him for life, and honors and protects the integrity of young ladies who have yet to find their one and only 🙂

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