Ladies, Be Empowered!

This is addressed to my fellow women out there. I’ve covered much of the flaws of feminist thinking, especially along #MeToo lines in sexual assault prevention, which is basically zero. I’ve also covered in several articles my argument for more personal accountability to lessen one’s risks of assault as well as holding the perpetrator accountable too. Look, I know this topic isn’t all that pleasant, and very serious, but it must be addressed head on. I agree with the Left that misconceptions are a roadblock to empowering women to fight back against sexual assault, but I argue that it is in fact their side, that is fostering dangerous misconceptions about sexual assault.

Their basic premise is that too often, we shift the blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator and even go so far as to say we created a “rape culture” where rape is not only tolerated, but thought of as a man’s “right”. They say that the only thing that causes rape is the rapist, and nothing else. Therefore, one cannot talk about how alcohol or drugs play a role. Nor other poor risky choices such as becoming isolated or suggestive behavior/dress. Now, I will say that they are correct that one does indeed, need a rapist, to commit rape. Alcohol, sexy clothes, drugs, partying, does not literally cause a rape to happen, just as gun violence can only happen if someone pulls the trigger. However, the above factors do indeed create an increased risk of victimization, and are correlated with incidents of sexual assault.

Rapists are going to rape no matter what, because if you are at the point where you feel entitled to rape someone, you don’t care one bit about how it will impact your victim. You may not even care what they are wearing either, as many argue rape is more about power than sexuality. However, barring any empathy for your victim, you still have to choose one! So, which girl, if you would put yourself in the mindset of a callous rapist, but doesn’t want to get caught, would you choose? The girl who’s sober, more modestly dressed surrounded by 5 other girlfriends, (a.k.a. witnesses) at the party, or the one who’s almost blackout drunk, isolated, and in suggestive clothing that can be used as an excuse later in court in your favor? Who do you think would be noticed more if missing? Who do you think would put up less of a fight?

Now, does either girl deserve to get raped? Absolutely not! No one ever “deserves” rape, and nothing ever “justifies” rape. However, the cold, hard ugly truth of the matter is, one girl is more at risk than the other to be chosen as the next victim. Rapists will indeed rape no matter what whenever they find the chance, but it’s on us, ladies, to make sure he has the least amount of chances possible to target us. Causation for increasing your risk is not justification for the crime! Is it fair that we must go out of our way to look out for creeps? NO! But that’s reality. We shouldn’t need to watch out for each other at parties, or a girls’ night out. We shouldn’t have to worry about trusting the guy to take us home safely. Or buy us that drink and worry if he drugged it. We should be able to dress as sexy as we want without any unwanted advances. However, what we should be able to do and what we are able to do without putting ourselves more at risk aren’t identical.

And yes, sometimes, rape will happen when we do everything right to lessen our chances. Rapists will rape, we get it… But isn’t that true for any crime? A burglar can still smash in your window even when you lock your door every night, but does that mean you shouldn’t bother to lock your doors? We talk about more emphasis on teaching boys not to rape and assault women, instead of teaching girls how to empower themselves and lessen their risks in the logic that the solution is solely on telling men not to rape.

However, look at it this way: We teach our children not to steal, yet there are still thieves. Should the solution for burglary be simply to teach people to not steal and call any attempt at advising people to lock their doors or hide their valuables victim blaming? After all, no one has the right to steal your stuff no matter where you leave it! Similarly, there are still rapists despite teaching boys not to rape. The crime is not going away in both cases sadly. So what are we to do? Just sit around on our hands and complain about the obvious injustice, or do something to protect ourselves from becoming a victim, even if it means making inconvenient and yes, unfair, lifestyle adjustments?

Ladies, we need to live in the world as it is, not live in the world that we want it to be. Even if that world demands a “sexist” or un-PC answer to lessening our risk. We ARE judged by how we dress, whether we like it or not. Wearing sexy, provocative clothing, while never justifying any unwanted advances, sends off the signal that you want a consensual interaction and if the wrong guy who’s a complete callous jerk feels you “led him on”, yes, some will cross that line into assault. It’s ugly and unfair, wildly unfair and unjust, but ladies, this is the reality we live in. It’s not about simple morality, or saying that the girl in the sexy dress is morally “lesser” or “bad” and deserves assault, but it is about the fact that as unfair as it is, you ARE judged by how you choose to present yourself, and a real rapist can use it as an excuse in his sick twisted mind to justify harming you.

Drinking until you’re black out drunk, going off alone with a strange guy at the party, taking a drink that could be roofied easily etc… increases your chances of victimization and puts you in a vulnerable position. No, alcohol doesn’t cause rape to happen, but it does increase your risk the rapist will target you because you can’t physically resist or even say “no”. Going off alone with no witnesses and no one to step in to protect you is the perfect way to be victimized. Is this fair? Is it fair that women need to be careful instead of just being carefree when out for the night? Of course not! But as said before, this is the cold hard reality of the world we live in.

Saying all this is bound to draw the ire of many screaming “victim blaming!”, but this is no more victim blaming than suggesting one lock their doors or hide valuables to lessen chances of a burglary. Rapes can happen even after every base is covered. But so can burglaries. So can any crime. NO set of precautions has a 100% guarantee or covers every situation. That however, doesn’t mean we don’t take those precautions. Yes, the rapist could be someone you know and trust. Yes it can happen elsewhere than parties. Yes, more subtle coercion could be involved. Yes, I know all those things! That however does not belittle the merits of precautions against rapes that do happen with strangers, or in parties for instance. You may not be able to avoid one scenario, but does that mean “Why bother learning how to avoid the other”? Sure, the burglar can just smash in my window, but he sure won’t come through my door if I can help it! 😉

Ladies, it’s also not black and white. I’m not saying you can never party, you can never go out, you can never wear that “cute little number” to the club on girls’ night, you can never have a drink or hang out with a guy. We don’t have to dress like nuns and never leave our homes! All I’m proposing is to be aware. Awareness is half the battle, and with a good dose of awareness and common sense, you can have that night out of fun and be as safe as you can. Empowerment is liberating, not constraining. The awareness to know what the risk factors are, and how to avoid them is liberating, as you can live your life, just be aware and vigilant. When we drive, we learn the rules of the road. When we choose where to live, we look into crime rates. We have fire drills. We have emergency drills. We look over our shoulder in that sketchy area. We hide our valuables. We do all these things AND live a normal life full of excitement and fun. Can we do everything we want, (drink to excess, dress like we’re turning tricks, go off with every guy in the bar etc… etc..)? No. But in moderation, and with awareness of the risks, we can weigh our chances and act accordingly.

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  1. I have seen young women in the Malls, with their sweaters unbuttoned almost to the navel, no bras, bounce, bounce, bounce, and you just KNOW when they left the house that morning that sweater was over another blouse AND a bra…and then if someone makes a pass at them they get all upset and skeered. Well, dammit, put some clothes on. I agree, I wish they wouldn’t dress like that, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Random (and possibly unpleasant) thoughts…

    I am reminded of the young woman who went to a man’s apartment dressed only in a baby doll nightie, at 2 AM. She had ‘some papers for him to sign”. He was a man known for his violent behavior towards women, and Im sorry, she set herself up for it. My feeling was, they had sex, she didn’t like it, and he beat her up. Then she cried rape and he went to jail for it.

    There are, on the other side of the coin, men who feel entitled to grab what they can get. I was nearly raped one night when I fell asleep after a party, woke up to find the man on top of me, and let’s face it he had me in a practiced grip that told me he had done this before…the only thing that stopped him, my date showed up and pulled him away. I simply could not move.

    I saw an interview that Morgan Freeman did, and in it a barely dressed woman sat down across from him…he laughed and said, ‘you ladies are really something else, you know? Skirt up to here, blouse open to there, and we arent supposed to look, and if we don’t you get upset…”

    My sense is, if you don’t want to do the deed, don’t dress and act as if you do. And don’t get all bent out of shape when someone makes a pass at you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I concur with the others, this was very well said! It’s frankly weird and a little frightening that you can get called out as a “victim shamer” for stating what any responsible parent would to their daughters. Such is the times we live in, sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sometimes I wonder, if as a culture, if we don’t enhance these fears with our children. We all know that children take their queues from the reactions of their parents. A child falls down.. a parent quickly goes to his/her aid.. and the child knows it must be important enough to cry. A child falls… looks at mom.. and if mom is just gauging her response for a moment to determine if there is any injury, and finding none.. smiles and makes a funny face.. “OOOps!” and the kid shakes it off.
      What do we tell kids about “stranger danger” and inappropriate touching? What a kid sees as innocent, parents will nearly go into fits of rage and confuse kids into thinking either they did something wrong.. or now people are treating them as some sort of “victim”.. and likely inadvertently encouraging emotional trauma. Testifying to some law enforcement counselor at a trial makes the whole thing that much worse. But it’s our pursuit of justice so that the offender doesn’t do that again.. ultimately at the expense of a child’s emotional stability because their peers will treat them differently now.

      I am reminded of a case many years ago out in Virginia somewhere. A young girl.. about 10 yrs… had three of her friends over to the house for a sleepover. Perv dad put a sleep agent in their punch and when they all fell asleep he raped them and taped it. Daughter later found the tape.. and turned in her own father. Apparently any physical signs of discomfort on the part of the victims had gone… no one turned up pregnant.. or with an STD. Life went on. Then the tape is revealed… suddenly, the girls are victims and their lives are turned upside down.. perhaps forever.. because adults made a big issue of it… but rightly so. Now.. if a cop showed up at your front door and said your daughter had been raped in her sleep by some sicko dad a month or two before… what would your instincts be as a parent… tell the cop you’re not interested in getting involved to save your daughter the inevitable emotional trauma… or run to your daughter, hugging her, and crying, and saying she is a rape victim.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Free Matt Podcasts and commented:
    Ladies: I had a friend who was drunk at a strip club. He was in the alley smoking a cigarette and someone hit him in the head, then robbed him. People told him that his poor choices led to that moment. Want equality? Be judged by your poor decisions.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for all the great re-blogs!!! Means a lot you think highly of my work 🙂 And great point! The double standard regarding rape is extreme! Their “logic” when applied to any other poor choices contributing to victimization sound absurd…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a great article and helps me as a man understand the topic of rape better without being told “You won’t understand because you are a man.” I personally think that rapes need to be investigated better and we have to look at all angles when these crimes happen and not just point fingers. I also feel that much of these incidents happen in open. Like we have been told since 9/11 If you see something say something we need to have each others back and hold each other accountable.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ” But isn’t that true for any crime? A burglar can still smash in your window even when you lock your door every night, but does that mean you shouldn’t bother to lock your doors? ”

    An excellent analogy. If we are willing to lock our doors, spend money on security systems, or buy guard dogs, to protect our possessions, why would we not also take basic precautions to protect ourselves? It won’t stop crime, but it will reduce the chances of being a target.

    “Their basic premise is that too often, we shift the blame on the victim rather than the perpetrator and even go so far as to say we created a “rape culture” where rape is not only tolerated, but thought of as a man’s “right”. ”

    I see two parts to the problem, about those who throw out the term “rape culture” the way they do. The first is that, their behaviour encourages and created the very “rape culture” they decry. They created and promoted the culture of sexual promiscuity and “if it feels good, do it” attitudes. This “rape culture” they now have a problem with is a natural consequence of that.

    The other part is that these are the same people that welcome, protect and defend an actual culture of rape – Islam – while attacking the culture that is why rape is not considered a crime – Judeo-Christianity. The koran, hadith, and the teachings of Islam basically don’t recognize forcing a woman to have sex with a man as rape, because a man is entitled to sex, regardless of how a woman feels. A kuffar woman, in particular, is there for the taking. Especially if she is not dressed “modestly”. If she exposes her hair or the shape of her body, according to Islam, this tempts a man into lustful thoughts, which he is not required to try and control. If he acts on them, it’s her fault for not behaving properly – even if she is not Islamic. This is the same ideology that teaches anything in the hands of the kuffar can be taken by the believer, because everything rightfully belongs to the believer. It’s not considered theft, as we understand it.

    We take for granted that what we now view as crimes were once perfectly legal, accepted or promoted, depending on the culture of the time. If a rich or powerful person killed a poor or less powerful person, that wasn’t murder, but if the less powerful person killed the powerful person, it was. If a culture thought decided throwing a widow onto the funeral pyre of her husband was a thing, that wasn’t considered murder. We don’t have to look to history to see how culture creates what we consider unjust laws, or even the concept that something like rape is a bad thing. It is happening around the world right now.

    Leftists are so dedicated to the concept of cultural relativity, they don’t see the danger they are putting us all in with their misguided targets of outrage.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. As a man full of toxic masculinity – I agree whole-heartedly.

    You did a great job in explaining the balance of how you a woman can have a great time, socialize, drink, and enjoy life without putting yourself at risk.

    There certainly needs to be more self-awareness of the risks and situations a woman can find herself and how to avoid them, than the simple ‘blame men/the end’.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Everyone, not just females, need to practice to avoid inintentional consequences. Situational awareness and common sense.
    Situational awareness is being aware of one’s surroundings anytime whilst out and about. Look around, scope out what is going on, who is there and their behavior, then keep a lookout for the bad actors. Usually they will reveal themself within a short period of time, by words or deeds.
    Common sense is just what it is. When going out for a night on the town, go with friends, not strangers. If going to a sketchy part of town, it is especially important to go with a group you know. Don’t overdo comsumption of adult beverages to the point of disabiity of good sense. And, don’t get seperated from the folks you know.
    Rape is a power and control thing no matter the circumstances. Anything other than consensual sex is rape. It’s that simple.
    Another great article, Lady. Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. A pretty good post on female awareness toward rape! I could add that it’s also worth mentioning that to understand the idea of rape itself as a human thing. One really needs the full human picture of why the concept of rape even exists in humans. You might ask the question.. why in the vast majority of the animal kingdom does the concept of rape only seem to exist with humans? Then you might ask the question… why in the vast animal kingdom has nature evolved the human female to have less body mass and general strength than their human male counterparts to fight off unwanted mates? The idea of rape is a human condition (yes, yes, I’ve heard the stories of certain monkey groups and sea mammals engaging in what appears to be “rape”; but that’s far from the natural rule). In spite of how much religion we elect to toss into the reasons for human existence, by and large, every living thing exists to procreate. In all the existing cultures man has developed for himself since the beginning of time, rape has been included.. sometimes permitted, sometimes alienated, sometimes abhorred… but always aware to be part of human existence. As I mentioned, nature certainly didn’t help by making human females physically vulnerable to males.. and in fact, vulnerable to the daily dangers of survival in general, to the point that humans have a natural defined gender roles for survival. Nature can be ruthless in establishing survival of the fittest; humans exist to reproduce and nature could care less if humans reproduce because of some positive tendency to attract a willing mate (the idea of “love”).. or if women get pregnant from an act of rape. Our species continues.

    Now.. does all this mean we ignore rape.. or even casually or “secretly” permit it? Absolutely not. Our currently culture dictates that rape is an unconsensual act, that while part of being human.. is not a welcome situation by today’s cultural standards. But simply declaring it an “unwelcomed act” with legal consequences doesn’t remove the instinctual bias for it to occur. Rape itself is NOT some 20th/21st century “ailment”. In early Roman times rape was more accepted.. if one owned slaves, the owner could rape at will. This happened also with our own nation’s experience with slavery. Ever wonder why wars usually contain an increased level of rape? Just look at the many conflicts in Third World nations where rape is commonplace. Other than the idea that one can “get away with it” with few consequences in a war zone.. there are certain instinctual triggers toward sex.. and subsequent rape as a result of wartime stresses.
    One of my biggest “suggestions” to women as they “fight” to do all the things a man can do.. think twice about joining the military to get into combat. If a woman is captured the enemy is going to abuse her.. torture her, for purely sexual reasons.. and a woman is far more vulnerable in that area than men. Especially if you, a female soldier, are captured by a Muslim enemy. Forget Geneva Convention.

    My whole point here is that rape is part of the human condition.. and a result of our ability to reason. If we can understand the origins then we might be in a better position to prevent it with greater effect. Simply to assigning the possibility of rape to what women are wearing is far from understanding the entire problem.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It’s only one part of the bigger picture, but it IS a factor in some excuses for rape. War is an excuse as you just said. But war is only part of the picture too. All the factors combined make the bigger picture together. Ignoring one because it’s not “PC” or “sexist” only creates more holes in keeping women safe. I fear for a generation of young women who brazenly ignore risk factors out of “empowerment” and feminism. But you impress me greatly, as I thought you’d post some rant about victim blaming but instead I find a more nuanced answer 🙂 Keep that up….

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’m more a behavioral humanist… which lends to me interpretation regarding the demeanor of our Dear Leader and his actions or inactions. But there’s a higher level of humanism at play that goes well past what seems obvious in most situations… and even surpasses trendy social causes that imply a victimization one way or the other. Personally I think we humans, on a social and cultural scale, spend an awful lot of time trying to control our instincts… whereas the bulk of the animal kingdom answers directly to their instincts. Our “problem” is that we can reason… and our opposing thumbs give us a way to assert ourselves within the environment. This includes our constant contemporary attempts to deny a millennia of the gender role conditioning in order for our species to survive. Women want to be treated as equal to men. The question with that is.. how and to what extent.. and what is the definition of “equal” they are trying to achieve?
        Returning to this idea that humans are just living creatures existing to procreate, we also spend a lot of time trying to control that part which makes us human… living to procreate.

        Thanks for the acknowledgement, BTW.


  10. I once sat on a jury pool wherein a prostitute was gang-banged and then rolled for some money. When interviewed by the lawyers for either side; I said don’t matter she’s a prostitute; rape is rape. They didn’t comply with the understood “transaction,” and targeted her for robbery, and sexual violence, treating her like a lesser person because of her vocation.
    However, putting one’s self in the position of selling sex, opens up all kinds of sordid doors, cans of worms, and windows where one’s only hope is to risk jumping out a 20 story window to escape. It’s always a long way down.
    Preparing and protecting one’s self and safety is like anything else when it comes to panning for the worst, and hoping for the best altho I quote this backwards on purpose. They say; hope for the best, and plan for the worst. I say, plan for the worst, and hope for the best.
    Don’t DUI
    Stock up on supplies before a coming storm
    Study for a test, etc…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Amen! Great points! It’ wrong no matter who is victimized, but an excellent point is you cannot say you were traumatized in the exact same way as someone who didn’t choose to sell sex like a business transaction. Prostitution puts your life at risk and a job hazard is creeps who will rape you, even murder you!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. While I am usually the first to say “I wish they wouldn’t dress like that,” you are once again spot on in your comments. Thank you for your insight.

    Liked by 4 people

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