“Be The Change You Want to See in The World…”

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

That’s what one of my college professors told me when I challenged the idea that all these inconsequential protests wearing pussy hats, making snarky picket signs, staging “die ins” and generally disrupting other’s lives with silly immature stunts actually helped anyone’s causes, as well as complaining about it 24/7 yet doing no real work to change laws or pass legislation made any drastic impact. People may argue about how previous protests have made changes, or even enter a debate on the merits or detriments on civil disobedience in general. Proponents say that these stunts and such, kneeling, wearing pussy hats, defying rules, laying siege to various buildings, shouting down speakers and threatening people so events get cancelled, school walkouts and such, brings attention to their causes and gets the conversation going. That I will concede, is true, the more disruptive the stunt, the more attention to the issue, but for most who simply wish to carry on with their lives, is it the right kind of attention?¬† Negative attention certainly draws attention to the issue, but it only alienates people who would be on the fence, or even have changed their minds if whatever was done was done in a more reasoned, levelheaded manner. Making oneself look like a complete lunatic with some vendetta stigmatizes any rational debate on the topic, as now it’s associated with the lunatic fringe who went too far! Many of the liberal movements are getting push back due to these inconsequential protests, whining and disruptions.

The women’s movement saying Trump is a sexist misogynist assaulter of women staged the major protest in Washington DC and elsewhere thought it would be a good idea to fight Trump by creating “pussy hats” and calling themselves “Nasty Women” based off things Trump allegedly said and did, in an attempt to “reclaim” his insults. The slogans on many of the picket signs contain vulgar swear words, images of the middle finger and other lewd gestures, and plenty of personal attacks on Trump. A few stood out as defining a more coherent cause, but many were simply petty comebacks and wisecracks any child could have come up with! Many of the protesters wore the bright pink “pussy hats”, there to stand in for the female vagina that they accuse Trump of “grabbing”. Some women even went all the way and dressed up in a giant vagina costume, complete with pubic hair (gross)! Also let’s not forget the speeches, such as the unhinged rant that goes off on multiple tangents by Ashley Judd, complaining about tampons and affirming she’s a “nasty woman”, or Madonna’s comment that she wanted to “blow up the White House”! I mean, who should say things like what Ashley Judd did and be taken seriously, or why is it even legal for Madonna to get away with threatening the President? Mainstream conservative women, and many moderates do not feel that those radical “nasty women” stand for women like them, or for women’s equality in a civilized and ladylike manner. Women like myself feel insulted and alienated by women’s rights being represented through people like those at the Women’s March.

Or what about the BLM movement? While kneeling in itself as I’ve posted about before does not bother me as much as other conservatives, and it is much quieter and peaceful than some other things, like the race riots brought on by the BLM movement in places like Ferguson, one cannot deny the fact it has polarized much of the country in the matter. The issue with their little stunt is that it has offended many Americans who feel it disrespects the country, and the people who served it, such as the military, police and first responders. People who would have been more on the fence about BLM now feel alienated from it, as they are offended by the BLM movement disrespecting what they feel is more important than partisan issues. The issue I argue about it is the protest is inconsequential in it’s too broad and vague. Kneeling before the flag at The Anthem does not directly address the issue of racial profiling and discrimination by the police. Their reasoning was that this country is racist and we can’t honor the flag of an unjust nation. However, many feel they insult the military and other first responders as well, not just police, with whom their main issue lies. Another thing is too, these are privileged rich football players earning millions each season! They don’t face any of the struggles of the poor black community! All of this hypocrisy and vague whining without any real concise target have pressured the NFL and other prominent figures such as our president and other politicians to denounce them and prohibit the take a knee movement.

Also, what about the school walkouts? Of course, where everyone on all sides wants school shootings and other gun violence to stop, but is walking out in the middle of the day with picket signs for 17 minutes really accomplishing anything? I believe students should be proactive and take a stand to make positive change in the world as much as they are able, but was disrupting the school day really doing much? They may have raised awareness, but what about doing more than just whining? Why not call their local legislators, write letters, write petitions etc… to pass laws? Look, I don’t personally believe that 17 minutes out of class for one day will derail their entire academic careers, but the issue with it goes beyond 17 minutes outside class time. First of all, is the idea of the immense pressure for the students to participate. Many schools have officially endorsed these protests and peers, teachers and administration are all in board, making it immensely hard for any student to think for themselves without great backlash. Imagine everyone in your school is going to do this thing, but you don’t want to and fear you will be labeled as callous and condoning school shootings and gun violence! The adults are goading the young people to do this. They provided the funding and organizing these events, and were able to get schools on board. They are the ones telling our youth this is the right thing to do. The students have little opportunity to think for themselves, and are getting swept up in the liberal anti-gun movement. You see, this is far from a bipartisan movement: the overarching tone is anti-Trump, anti-conservative and anti-gun and NRA. Opponents are painted as bad as “baby killers” and value guns over human life, which I know for plenty of gun owners is a complete falsehood! Sure, 17 minutes is pretty inconsequential in damaging academic performance at school, as some opponents said, but the reasons to oppose it are far stronger: brainwashing our kids into the liberal agenda. Perhaps if they were more neutral and bipartisan, more would join, as no one wants gun violence, but conservatives are barred from the cause, painted as gun toting “baby killers”.

One last example, more briefly, is now the immigration issues with children being taken at the boarder. Despite the picture of a sadistic president ripping families apart for no good reason, many of the children could be being trafficked, mules for drugs, or human shields for gangs. For their own safety, they ought to prove the adults they come with illegally are really their parents. Opponents though, have gone to some pretty crazy extremes to “protest” this! Sitting in tiny cages as propaganda, and showing pictures from (Guess who? The Obama administration!) of children in poor cramped conditions in uninviting warehouses and saying this is the current situation. Even some more moderate liberals have corrected their radical brethren pointing out the error! Many have even declared all over social media that they are no longer friends with those who point out the truth, as it’s a moral, not a political issue, demonizing their critics. However, the wackiest thing happened this past 4th of July when a woman climbed the Statue of Liberty to protest ICE and immigration policies! The stunt forced the evacuation of the island of everyone on it, and police had to make a daring rescue from incredibly dangerous heights, putting their own lives on the line for this “protest”! Sure it drew attention, but hopefully now people on the fence can see the lunacy of that movement!

The point of all these examples and countless others across college campuses, schools and work places, is that this immature inconsequential protesting does nothing but mar the reputation of their respective causes! There is nothing wrong with wanting to take a proactive stance, as my former professor said, to help make positive change in your community and country by speaking out, but doing petty stunts, demonizing your opponents and whining does nothing good. Why don’t the privileged athletes kneeling donate some of their millions to help impoverished black communities get better living standards, schools, infrastructure, jobs, etc… and support mentoring programs to fight the cycle of crime and poverty and welfare? Why not spend some to train police to better protect at risk neighborhoods? Why don’t the March for Our Lives students and teachers support more rational gun legislation, such as gun use for self defense and more security in school? Why not fundraise for that? Why not learn about the issue and have deep rational discussions about gun violence and gun legislation in an objective light as part of school, instead of spending 17 minutes in silence doing nothing?! Why not find more eloquent ways of expressing women’s issues beyond vulgar dirty words and sex talk? Aren’t you as culpable of talking dirty as Trump by constantly referencing vaginas? Why not help change policies that are traumatic for children and more organized boarder control? A way for promising immigrants and refugees to come into the country who can be assets and weed out the ones who would do crimes and leech off the system? Sure is better than spreading blatantly false propaganda photos taken years before Trump!

“Be the change you want to see in the world” to me ought to mean the exact opposite of what I was told by that liberal professor; it should mean walking the walk, not just talking the talk, or better put, “crying the cry” ūüėČ It means actually¬†doing¬†something to make a change, not just complaining about some injustice and trying to draw attention through silly stunts! If something’s that important to you, find a way to be taken seriously and reach those who have the power to make the change you want to see. A protest is one thing to draw some attention, but you’re leaving it to others to do the dirty work! Write a letter, write a petition, call your news outlets, call your legislators, help someone in need, donate to a charity, volunteer, vote for laws that would benefit your cause, aspire and work towards becoming a person who can make change, such as an elected official, administrator, leadership role etc… Whatever you decide to do though, please don’t climb The Statue of Liberty ūüėČ

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Inspiration in Conservative Dress: Beautiful Pleated Skirts!

Inspiration in Conservative Dress is a reoccurring series of posts of various modest and feminine outfits to inspire other women to dress modestly and resist society‚Äôs pressure to dress provocatively and subscribe to ‚Äúhook up‚ÄĚ culture. Through conservative dress, A Lady of Reason sends a message of resistance to the ‚Äúsexual revolution‚ÄĚ and radical liberal feminism, and the upholding of feminine virtue. Arguably, this could also extend to the support for social conservatism in general. How we dress signals who we are in society. I also want to state that this idea is not mine originally, but done on another religious blog called¬†The Catholic Lady. I was inspired by hers to make a secular version for A Lady of Reason.¬†

A favorite fashion of mine is the pleated skirt: its flowy fabric, especially chiffon fabrics look really feminine and graceful! I’m glad they’re in style now in many stores such as H and M and Forever 21 to name some. Burlington Coat Factory also has a great selection of pleated chiffon skirts too at times. The style is great for being more modest as it is not too clingy to your form, and many come in midi and maxi lengths. The only con is in most cases, you need to find a shirt you can tuck into the skirt, as it looks more frumpy or odd to have the shirt tucked in an A line pleated skirt, or a shorter shirt. Also, be very careful washing pleated skirts, or any pleated thing in general in the dryer! I’ve learned the hard way that the pleats can come out and somewhat ruin a nice pleated outfit ūüė¶¬† Overall though, a chiffon pleated skirt is a great feminine and modest edition to your wardrobe! When we can embrace ourselves as feminine women, and dress the part, it can show the world we stand for traditional femininity and are not afraid to be women in a society that pressures women to become radical feminists and emulate men all the time.

Here are some gorgeous midi-styles!

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And here are some fun and elegant maxi styles!

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When Did Sub-Par Parenting Become The Norm?

Let’s admit it: kids are very hard work! They cry all night, get sick all the time, and demand every moment of your attention! Babies cry all night and are 100% dependent. Toddlers and young children must be supervised almost every minute as they will get into everything they’re not supposed to. Teenagers are trying to find themselves and often make poor choices or rebel if not properly guided. Kids are a 24/7 job 365 days a week. There’s no denying parenthood is one of the hardest jobs there is! No parent can be there 24/7 either. Kids get into stuff, walls get drawn on, they will have some trips to the E.R. That’s just part of having kids. Parents are human and make mistakes, they get too loud, lose their temper sometimes, forget things etc…

The issue is however, our society has gone too far the other way. While there is no perfect parent, many now refuse to admit their mistakes and feel any guilt over what they know to have done wrong. Instead of improving on their mistakes, and vowing to do better in the future, such as yelling less, or using kinder words, they will go onto parenting forums and read articles all about not feeling “guilty” and “taking it one day at a time” and being “good enough”. This is done under the guise of the obvious: no parent is perfect, and not getting too worked up on the small mistakes. However, what is really being said is “Feeling guilt over a valid mistake is to be avoided as it’s inconvenient, and being just good enough as a parent is okay. Don’t bother with any personal growth or effort to strive to be the best parent you can be. Just settle for mediocrity.” While no parent will ever be perfect, in my family, I was taught to be the best person you can be. To do your best. Parents should strive to be the best parent they can be. If they mess up then admit it and apologize and commit to growing as a parent and doing better next time.

Mistakes such as yelling when you shouldn’t, giving in to anger, and saying hurtful words should not be excused! We don’t excuse that behavior from our children, who are younger and (hopefully) less mature, yet we give ourselves tons of excuses through parenting article after parenting article on why we shouldn’t feel guilt over having done wrong. Why are we in a society as parents where we can hold our children to a standard of behavioral and emotional perfection “or else”, yet excuse every mistake we make? When you yell, you ought to apologize and owe up to it with your kids, or else they learn yelling and disrespect is how to solve conflict, especially towards people younger and less powerful than themselves. Trying to buy off the “mommy guilt” shows just how small a person you are! Being “just good enough” is a slippery slope into skirting the line of abusive behavior when “just good enough” turns into yelling “you stupid brats!” instead of “I wish you were never born!”… The temptation to lower the bar every time a harder challenge arises with it’s “just good enough” as an excuse is too strong. My parents never yelled at me. They may have spoken sternly at times, yes, or raised their voice slightly, but never actually YELLED AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!!! I was taught that behavior is dysfunctional and was not done in our family. If we could do it, and my family is not any more “perfect” than yours, why can’t you strive to stop yelling too?

Another appalling example of this attitude of “just good enough” are all the numerous articles out there about not feeling guilty for spending less time with the kids, or spending money on luxuries for yourself versus your kids such as mommy’s spa day vs. your child’s field trip. In my family, the kids came first. Always. While my parents didn’t spend literally every waking moment devoted solely to me, both my mom and dad always made time for me even if it was inconvenient for them. Because that’s what you do when you bring a child into this world. My dad’s dad came home from working a 12+ hour day in a factory but instead of going straight to bed, he would stay up and spend time with my dad and talk to show he was in his children’s lives. Now however, I read article after article on not feeling guilty when you shove your kid off on nannies and babysitters and daycare for the majority of the day not only so you can work to support the household mind you, but so mommy can go to her spa trip, or daddy out golfing all week! Or even just being home but not focusing on your own children! While a healthy balance can be reached between parenthood and hobbies and time with your spouse, the kids should come first. That doesn’t mean you can¬†never¬†have a moment to yourself, or go out on a date night, or have a hobby. My parents did all of the above! What putting your kids first means in this case is if there’s no one to properly care for your children, or they need you for some reason, emotionally, physically, etc. are sick, or truly scared, as an example, then you stay even if it means missing your date night, or hobby.

There will be more date nights and time for you as your kids grow older and more independent too. What many parents forget is that it’s all temporary. Your kids won’t be clingy toddlers forever that whine for everything under the sun and get into everything! Soon, they will be in school, after school programs, clubs, make their own friends and want time to themselves¬†as well! Soon, they will be teens and want nothing to do with you and want to be out with friends all the time! Just because you have to sacrifice some initial years towards them being in greater need, doesn’t mean it will be that way for the next 18 years of your life as parents! Shirking your responsibility to be a present parent in your children’s lives in their formative years is devastating to your innocent helpless, dependent children who truly need you, and also, it won’t last forever. Even with teens, they will be out of the nest in a few short years, then you’ll have time to do more things outside parenting. But then again, patience seems to not be a virtue in today’s entitled “I want what I want RIGHT NOW…” culture!

Also, the excuse of “we have to be a couple” and put marriage over children is appalling! You are two grown adults who can spare to not be the center of attention! Your marriage will always be there if it’s a good one. Your children’s childhood won’t be. Childhood is just one stage of a family’s life, they will be grown and flown before you know it. To deprive innocent children, who are dependent on you for their care, safety and development as functional adults of the attention they need from you to grow up healthy and happy is unbelievably selfish and cruel! If your kids are a third wheel and a drag on your marriage in your mind, then you shouldn’t have had them! Not to mention, is your marriage so weak that you feel that a helpless child is “competition” for your spouse’s love and affection towards you? If you wanted to “just be a couple”, then why did you dive right into having kids??? Let me reiterate: marriage is for life, your children’s childhood is for 18 years. I think you can have the maturity to deal with being parents first, “just a couple” later for a temporary period of time in a life long partnership. You’re both the adults: act like it, and step up to put the more vulnerable little people in need ahead of your own wants and desires. Also, what if your spouse does something wrong? Would you choose them then over your own children if they were abused by the one you love? If you don’t say a resounding “No!”, you frankly don’t deserve the children in your so-called “care”! But that’s what it would mean to prioritize your adult relationship over your kids…

Overall, I’ve read countless “parenting” articles espousing the views of buying off “mommy guilt” and settling for mediocrity at best, and borderline abuse and neglect at worst. The message today’s parents are getting is “how many corners can I cut, but feel the least amount of guilt?”. It’s a sad state of affairs when parenthood has been reduced to an inconvenience getting in the way of “me time”. People have even written in articles admitting to not loving and resenting their own progeny, and appallingly, even one anonymous parent who admitted to putting on their toddler’s PJ’s as roughly as possible to vent her anger out on her innocent son! When did it become okay to just avoid guilt when we know we’re doing wrong? When did “me time” or “couple time” become priority #1, and vulnerable innocent children who didn’t choose to be brought into your life priority #5253 ??? There are plenty of outrageous examples of entitlement and lack of accountability out there, as I’ve mentioned before, but when it comes to parenting, it’s just plain evil!

And who cares about if I’m “judging” them??? Somehow that accusation is used to shut up anyone who calls out their sub-par parenting! Well guess what folks: I¬†am¬†judging your lack of accountability, responsibility and moral obligations towards¬†your own defenseless¬†vulnerable children! Deal with it and maybe actually¬†feel enough guilt to motivate you to be a better parent…¬†Many issues boil down to selfishness, immaturity and taking on too much, like popping out five kids you can’t possibly keep up with. If you’re not ready to give up “me time”, and put your kids first and wear the label of “parent” above all else for the next 18 years, then the solution is simple: don’t have kids

Where are the virtuous mothers and fathers of generations past, like my grandfather who came home after working overtime to spend time with my dad as a boy? Or the mothers who were content to let motherhood be their greatest achievement in life? Where are the parents who say “just good enough” is not enough? No parent is perfect, but that’s no excuse for sub-par parenting! Yelling at, verbally abusing, grabbing, slapping, hitting, not spending time with and resenting your kids is not “just good enough” because others haven’t called CPS on you already or your kids hide the emotional trauma and lack of affection impacting their lives under your shallow self-centered radar, it’s abuse and neglect. My parents, and their parents are not and were never the “perfect parent”. They just had the morals and human decency to say “I can do better” instead of “just good enough”.

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I hesitate to share these since it only brings more publicity to things I find morally repugnant, but I share them for you to get a sense of the appalling selfishness out there in the majority of parenting articles:

Why Mothers Should Not Feel Guilty About Spending No Time With Their Children¬†(Yes, that’s the¬†actual¬†title of the article!)

Why I ALWAYS Put My Husband Before My Child¬†(Because who cares if he ever abused them? He’s your #1! Or that as two grown adults, how you could ever even think of surviving not being the center of each other’s universes for a few years when your infant son needs his mommy and daddy…)

Here’s another even harsher article on the subject:¬†Why I’ll Always Put My Husband Before My Kids¬†(Yes, or else your kids will become self-entitled narcissists that demand mommy and daddy actually care for their kids’ welfare more than their adult relationship… All I can say is I pity the children in their home…)

Yelling At Kids: Why It’s A Necessary Parenting Tool ¬†(Sure, make excuses for how you are too lazy to find a less dysfunctional communication style, and as to why your teens took after “mommy dearest”…)